Looking Back !

It has been close to a year since I decided to be a home maker or rather more specifically a full time mom!. Just trying to look back on how this change has influenced me. A nostalgia? Well, I know it has not been that long but seems it has brought about a lot of change in myself, my lifestyle and ofcourse a greater impact to my home and family.

Exciting as well as apprehensive in the beginning, it evolved with varied reactions, opinions, ideas and now finally it is in the threshold of boredom looking for something!

Figuring out how to put it…Hmm…Here it goes as a recipe…:)
(One spoon of health + 2 tbs of laziness + 1 tbs of cooking + a pinch of personal time) – (2 tbs of confidence+2 tbs of mood swing+ a full spatula of devilish thoughts working on the devil’s mind)

I have explored all possible combination to keep myself busy at home. Yes, there are quite a lot of things to do at home and my little one. But still it is not fulfilling and there is a vaccum developing inside me that burst as a swing of temper or tears.

My little one is growing up and does not need me beside him all the time and it is time for him to make his own play group. Though the mind is all set to say a good bye to a career , the time you I get when he is out at school or busy with some classes, I have started the hunt to engage myself. In what way? Not sure :) Learning something? May be a part time job i can take up when he is away at school, so that i dont end up thinking the whole world is busy and i dont have anything at all to do.

 Let us see how it goes and what i end up doing !!!!

What do you really want for your children- Wayne W.Dyre

I just happened to flip through this book just like any of the parenting books, but then as I flipped through the first few pages, it was really kindling my thoughts on what I am upto in raising my child. It was a little different from the usual kind and an interesting read when you go a little deep inside.  Just quitting a job and being with the child all time is not the only justice I make to bring him up as a complete person.

In the words of the author, this book emphasizes on bringing up a no-limit person. He defines a no limit person as one who can enjoy life when things around him go mad and look at the positive side of life instead of frowning over the negatives. In the present day scenario of stress and anxiety everywhere, you can easily identify so many scenarios mentioned in this book, that resemble with our own characters, which we would definitely not want to pass it on to the future generations. As parents, we all want the best for our children, but what we define the “Best” is a varied opinion. In the fast moving world of competition and so called westernized influence, it is definitely challenging to give pace to the growing kids. News headline on kids’ suicide, depression and anxiety at much younger ages urge the need of more concern for kids to grow up as a no limit person, rather than a successful/winning child.

I am just sharing some of the ideas and examples in this book coupled with my views on them. The book keeps us on the move while not only highlighting the dilemma faced in raising our kids, but also suggests some solutions which may be worth a try!

As we raise our kids, our learning also grows as a parent. What would be our opinion on a doctor who has just blown a cigar, advising on the addiction of nicotine? Yes, we need to live by example for our kids and for that we need clarity on what we need for our children and how do we go about it.

•    Most of the times we prefer to live our life by habit rather than our thinking capacity.  Kids need independence to think and need to learn to make their own choices in life. A five year old can be relied upon to choose his own friends, take a nap or choose his meal. Smallest of things, we can try to make him explore the food we do not prefer and not just tune their tongue to ours :)

•    Another common thing that we experience in our own lives is wanting of approval from others. If I look back at my own life, most of the times I have just tried to be a good daughter, a friend, a student, a wife and whatsoever roles. Not that it is wrong, but all through the times it has been more of satisfying what others want and giving less of thought whether that is the best choice for me. The bottom line is wanting of someone’s approval all the times. One of the highlights of this book is that it emphasizes on not winning the approval of others but just go by self approval. If the child is asking you a choice of dress to impress her friends at a party. Instead of-“Your friends will like you in this hairstyle”, it can be “Do you think you look the best in this hairstyle?”. We need to make them understand they might need to face disapproval in many forms as they walk through their lives and so what is important is self approval.

•    Complaint is becoming another universal phenomenon and we just try to pass the ball whenever something does not happen the way it is supposed to. We are more into “Who is at fault”, rather than “What is the solution” pattern. It is not so surprising when the child come up with tattletales of other children’s behaviour. The best response is to give an honest response to them that we are not interested in any of their tattles and that they have to figure out the response without constant indulgence of parents.

•    The book also discusses another frequent weapon that is used-“Guilt”! “If you don’t do this, God will punish you!”. We would have used this so many times not even realizing it could have any impact.. The child is immobilized and left with no choice. The author suggests a better way to put it-“ Look into yourself if what you did is right. Guilt is used as a mechanism to manipulate others, that is making others behave the way you want, which in turn may lead to stressful relationship or circumstances.

•    Also, constant urge to win also poses stress to the kids. It will be healthier if we encourage children to self evaluate themselves whether they have given their best performance and focus on what they can improve on themselves, as each kid is unique. Such kids grow up as no limit individuals, as defined by the author.

Home is the first school and parents are the first teachers. It is important that we don’t expose them to the vagaries of anger and complaints at home and then preach them this philosophy. The author also suggests ways to tackle the everyday issues we face with our little ones. 

•    When you say “I am bored”, the child says it back to you. At any point there could be atleast ten activities we could do and boredom is one of the choices we take. So when our child uses it, we can tell them the choices they have at the moment- paint, clean, play ….” or do they still make a choice of feeling bored.

•    If the child is upset on his friends making funny remarks, instead of consoling the child and feeling bad along with him, or asking him to stay away, the author puts it in a better way-“ Are you upset because you played bad or that your friends made fun of you”. If we teach the child that we don’t let external sources influence us, they become their own masters.

Getting deep into the book, might feel a little preaching, which may possibly be difficult to pursue unless we change our whole self. And that may not be such an easy task! But I definitely feel it is worth a read and would definitely widen our perspective on what we want from our children.

Call it by whatever name...

Everytime I get stranded in a traffic light, the mind gets focused automatically on the street side little kids begging for money. Though one side of it gives a logical reasoning not to encourage it, as the awareness of these exploited kids is zooming in, sometimes, our emotions overcome them. How can we just shoo away a young girl begging with a small kid or a pregnant lady standing in the scorching heat bare foot? All this is just a emotional exploitation, I agree. Still most of the times it is hard to just move on. Was just thinking instead of giving them money why not help them with some handy snack you can have in the car? May be few biscuits? So that we don’t feel stone hearted at the same time not encourage the anti social elements exploit the humanity?

Smaller steps go a Long way!

“Resolutions are meant to be broken”- is this not something most of us have been hearing and in course of time believing in it too. Atleast for me, it has been true. The more I try to get organized, the more I get clumsy. There are so many promises that I make to myself almost everyday, be it very trivial from getting up early in the morning to more sensitive ones!


Anything done for 21 days becomes a practice may be a well known fact but I have never been able to reach it even once. Everytime I break it, I feel bad; but that is not it! I will be more persistent. Start all over again. The cycle goes on and on, that sometimes it has been years and I still don’t stick to them. It even leads to guilt sometimes that I am not able to do, not what others want to, instead what I myself want.

Why Is that so? Is it because I don’t give them that much importance? In that case why don’t I just discard them and move on? Why do I religiously make it from the start everytime it breaks? So, these rules or promises that I make to myself mean a lot to me but then they are easily broken as no one has forced it on me. So I take them easy. The mind has been tuned all these days to be controlled by someone that when I am my own boss, it becomes even easy to break my rules.

So, I made one more rule for myself and it kind of works better. Make your promises small. Let me not say – “I will never again get angry on anything or I will never again get emotional with anyone”. Instead, let it be “ I will be as pleasant as possible today!!, I will get up early tomorrow.

In this case it is easier to get back to the routine even if you miss it. Following it for one full week and skipping it gives me a feel to ditch it completely. And as I said I so desperately want it to happen that I start it again and that becomes an indefinite loop.

One step at a time is always better than a lifetime approach. Atleast for me it works better for now and for people like me you can sure try this out…

Parents- Roll Up Your Sleeves!

Just wondering if education was so complicated when I was in school. May be as kids we faced challenges but did the parents also had to face it? There was interesting incident which kindled this thought in me. Here it goes!

The project topic for UKG students was “Vehicles”. The student had to make a model of a vehicle and speak a few lines about it. For a five year old, I would expect the child to do some basic model with the help of parents and talk about it. This is what we must have done in our school days! Yes, the days are changing fast , I totally understand. But what I saw on the day of the project was just Extraordinary!!. I am failing to get the right word!

There came real 3D prototypes of ship, cycle and helicopter, all remarkable work!. The helicopter was even having a motor to operate. Atleast 2 people were needed to carry each of these prototypes inside the premises. A big applauds to the parents. But, is this a display of talent for the parent or the child. For such massive presentations, we are sure that the five year old could not have contributed anything. Professionals are hired in many cases. Is this what our education system or the schools want now? With few more pounds we can place a real cycle so that the child can talk better!!:) ..

Is it the teachers who impose such lavish and magnificent work or is it the self imposed competition within the parents? Whatever it is, we follow the ruling party and we know the plight of the minority who might want to question this :).

We strongly believe only these reputed schools give the best education to our kids. Though this is my opinion on some of the aspects which can focus on the kids rather than the parents, I think even I would soon start to learn the school’s expectations, and I am all set when I need to display my talent.

Go with the crowd- is that what I am saying???Well, may be :)

My Best Friend

I talk to him , I fight with him, I cry to him, I get angry on him, I question him, I cannot hide anything from him, I go to him whenever something goes wrong, or I just feel him within when I need peace! Wondering whom I am talking about? Can I say it is a perfect description of a friend? For all those who know me well, can u guess whom i am talking about? Hmm..“It is God”.

I am not aware of all the lessons or meanings the great religious books offer (well, may be a little half baked knowledge), I don’t contemplate on the logic behind His presence, I utter slokas for which I don’t understand the meaning, yet I get peace from them. Whatever it is, I just believe in Him.

I may not win the arguments of an atheist or convince people that there is God and he rules the destiny of our lives. In fact, I just stay out of such conversations .Not that such conflicting talk is gonna drift me away from Him, it is just similar to we not encouraging any arguments on our beloved ones.

When my life becomes hurly-burly, I go to Him. I blame Him when I don’t get things I desire. I also question Him – “If you know my destiny why do you show me things which you know I cant possess? I have always been your friend and why are you doing this to me.” He may not answer me, just like we may not be able to answer all the questions of a kid at that point of time. I might get angry on Him for that, but I go back to Him for I Know he is my only caretaker and trust Him. At times, I don’t listen to Him and then go back weeping when I have to face the reality. For me, He is a 24*7 hospital and sometimes the medicine called “pain”, which is bitter, has to be endured , to feel better. He might make me feel the pain, but I believe He would let me sink when I can’t bear the pain. And yes, when at happy times I forget Him, he reminds His presence.

Not necessary he comes directly to help me, in so many instances, he comes in so many forms, sometimes even as a stranger. Don’t have words to describe Him, no enough knowledge to prove His presence, for me, it is just a feeling of a friend and a caretaker whom I rest on anytime when I am tired and share my joy. One who does not expect anything from me but just loves me. I need not have the fear of losing Him and I unquestioningly surrender myself to Him happily.

Dream On..........

Dream- just the word puts my mind in a pleasant slumber. There were lots of times when I would get up in the morning with a fresh image of the dream I had the previous night. Sometimes I would continue the dream even after I wake up. A perfect way to describe day dreaming!!

Not always are they pleasant, they come in all categories – funny, scary and what not! Are they the result of my past incidents that are imprinted in the mind or daily happenings or the thoughts of future or just the impact of something I did last, like watching a movie just before I slept? I just don’t know.Sometimes I dream while half asleep as they go on very interesting and sometimes I wake up as if from a shock! Not sure if many of you experience the same or its just my jabbering mind that fails to rest even while it sleeps.

They are so realistic and in sync with my life that I sometime get confused whether it is real or was it a dream. If I try to recollect my exam days at school, with all eleventh hour preparation and burning midnight oil stuff, I used to hit the wake up alarm and continue completing my lesson while in dream. And then when I really wake up with the morning buzz, I realize -“Oh my god, I really have lot more and then hurry it up like a sprint, most of the times unfinished :) !” . Sounds funny when I think of it now!

There were also times when I would expect something from my dear ones (knowing that it would not happen !)and when I say that to them they just give a smile which has to be interepreted as –“DREAM ON….”, meaning that is never gonna happen!!

Did you read the recent headlines of a mystery man appearing in the dreams of many women- the picture of a man whom they have never met or seen in life? Thousands of people around the world claimed to have seen this face in their dreams. This makes dreams more interesting!!

So pondering more on dreams, I learnt another interesting fact. It is used to de-stress people. Wondering how? Researchers say one of the ways to destress ourselves is to spend atleast ten minutes dreaming consciously on things we like to do!! So I got an answer for all those who make fun of my day dreaming !

Now that dreaming has become a part of my chore, I think I might invest more time on taking a twist to it and see if it can make a positive or rather more meaningful impact to my life.

Few interesting reads, made me realize that consistent dreaming with intensity has made many people great achievers. It has been said that our intense desire on something, possess energy which is released every night as the mind falls asleep. When we get back to our conscious state, whatever has been imaged in our dream is reinforced in our mind.

So lets all dream and dream on!!. But then I don’t say just dreaming alone make it come true :))

Well, I should no more feel guilty dreaming I guess!! If it is light and pleasant then it is to de-stress, if it is a dream of strong desire, it may be a line to achievement!! Wow, what a perspective to think!! Well for people who dare to say “Just Dream on” to me- be watchful :))- for my dream may come true!!

I am not sure if this pondering on dreams was to justify my dreaming pleasure; but whatever said, I am happy with this analysis and wanted to share it with you!

Tiny Toddlers- Let them have their fun!

Have you seen the popular TV advertisement of Reliance Big TV ? On hearing the first attempt of his little one to repeat simple words like apple, banana, the overwhelmed dad says Czechoslavakia!!! A cute one it is as an ad !

If we give it a little thought, most of us as parents do it. Our expectations on our kids soar up so high that we sometimes tend to forget to realize that we cease their freedom to even grow at their own pace.
It is three months and you want the tiny tod to roll over and lift his head, five months and he must crawl, eight months, you should see the first teeth and in one year, his first steps on!!! If something goes off the way, you panic and even if you don’t the social circle makes you to. “Oh, your son does not walk still, my neighbours’ daughter is one month younger and she is running. Why don’t you check with a doctor?” ….Well, that is it!
When the times comes for them to go to school, most of us under the name of the kids’ boredom, put them at play school even before they are two. I know it is hard for us to accept that we don’t find time to engage the kid at home and I am not an exception in that. Draped under the well fed fame, these popular schools, put up a milestone chart - social skills, gross motor skills ..what not! and poor little ones- just two years!!!!!!

If they do well, we as parent are not just satisfied. We want more from them. They say a rhyme, you try a story and it goes on and on. Of all things, whoever comes home, we take pride in making the little one recite and show up all his talent. But have we ever realized, how many times we hide our faces if asked to come on stage even for a game?

We want them so disciplined. But then tend to forget that it might curb their creativity. More learning comes through boredom and unstructured activities. Just leave them in the kitchen and see the wonder!! I know what it is to clean up the mess. But once in a while, we can trade off to see the real joy in the kid.

We blame the kid if we get the child a costly toy and he cares not about it in two days. Sometimes we even force them to play with it- might sound funny if we think of it now :). But how many of us as adults, got a tread mill and not used it after a week.

All this is not to convey that we leave our kid in its own way. Definitely, we need to groom them and teach them values, discipline and also bring out the talent hidden in them. Right from the days in womb, it is natural for us as parents to have dreams on our kids.But then lets not forget to give them their own pace and not curb them the joy of growing up by overtaxing them!

And ya,, this is just my thought and my experience and a learning as a mom. :)

Diwali shopping in T. Nagar!!

The festive season is on and the first thing that hits our mind is ---Yes! You guessed it right-Shopping! For people at Chennai, the word shopping on a festive season is complimented with the word crowd or you can say mob!


And when it is T.Nagar, I am running short of words! Though a whole lot of mega malls have been spread out around the city, people flock around this place like bees over the years. Even as we wonder what is so special here, we step into the crowd 

How much ever you plan in advance, you are the most fortunate if you have escaped the mob! There were days when only the branded shops were flooded but today, people don’t leave any shop. Hundreds of multistoried shops and each one of it are flooded with customers. Be it jewelry, clothing, footwear or for that matter a chat shop in the street corner!
Knowing all this, I set out shopping for some dresses for my family on Gandhi Jayanthi! Yes on a holiday!! I would say the crowd must have crossed the numbers, awaiting lord Balaji’s darshan at tirupathi on a Saturday! Mad rush! People just push you on the move and it is not surprising if you land up at a totally different place.

Successfully, I entered a not so popular garment shop with half the spirit of shopping gone after surviving the crowd. And to my wonder, even that was over flooded. Someone stamps on your feet, or just directly pushes you or snatches the dress you were looking at…That is not so ridiculous…Yes! there is no room for politeness, courtesy or etiquette! Customer service- That’s way too far to expect. Those irritable, tired faces- I definitely don’t blame them, rather pity them. They start off patiently showing every color and design and then realize the person is window shopping! If shopping for you is exhaustive, imagine their plight servicing the whole lot of people that too for extended hours.

So, if you are expecting all this then you are at the wrong place…Be a Roman when in Rome!!Do not hesitate to push someone or even forget all your so called etiquette to survive your shopping spree. Our sole mission is to shop!

If you get what you want then I would say- Mission accomplished! You can feel the pride equalizing winning a trophy on a sports day!

But then I must mention the excitement on these shoppers in spite of all this messing up! That what keeps the place on the move!! Never tiring and exploring!! Daring I would say :) ..Whatever said, it was an exhaustive experience for me and yet my mission was accomplished!!!

Going Green- A little thought!

Go Green, Protect the environment, Global Warming, save the power-we see all these words everywhere. Little do most of us have time for it.

When I heard about the principles of one of my friends on these environmental aspects, it sounded impractical or even foolish in this fast moving world in the beginning. But now I feel it is worth giving a thought.
A person high up in a leading software concern using only the public transport to commute, not only to office, but wherever he goes. In the scorching heat of Chennai, does not use an air conditioner, instead prefers planting trees in the little vacant land around his home. First one to switch off the lights or fans wherever he finds them unused, irrespective of where he finds it or who put them on. Of all things he once said in frustration about the traffic- if given a chance to be the PM for one day, he would compel people to use the public transport. Not only will this save us from pollution, but also would pave way for a hassle free traffic. Is that not a boon to Chennai?

Well, it may not be practically possible to do all this, keeping in mind our present day lifestyles. But then, we can sure do minor contribution to protect the environment which in turn is nothing but protecting ourselves and our future generations. Can’t we ensure to close the leaking taps, avoid plastics, car pool?. If we just give a thought, we can find quite many ways to protect our depleting environment by doing trivial changes in our daily activities. Little drops of water make a mighty ocean- right? So why not all of us join hands in this?

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom- Over the days!!

They say the world is round and I think it is the same with one’s lives too. You come back to a point where everyone is busy for you. The irritation and frustration again pops in your head..And you start cribbing- Life is boring!...

An idle mind is the devils workshop. The mind is full fledged thinking all crisscross ways..
Can I look in for some part time job?
I don’t think my son requires me all the time…
Everyone is busy with their own work. Why don’t I engage myself in something.

Your mind hunts at various options and then you realize you don’t know anything other than the job you have been doing for seven full years…I have been so monotonously into that and the mind is so tuned to it…I started thinking- Am I addicted to the pressure? I felt all I needed is a break and not a fullstop to work…But then I jump back to the practicality, thinking of all problems at home when I lacked spending time…

Is life not funny? Now I have all the time and I don’t know what to do? There were days when I used to think if I had time I would do this, that etc…and now you know what, I am bored!!! Even to the extent of pampering myself with a pedicure or grooming myself…I start feeling,,,where am I going, why do I have to do this? And spend that time not doing anything…Then I try to call and catch up with some dear friends who have been complaining of me not being in touch all these days, and now it is their turn J They are busy with their work. Just exchange a formal hello and cut the line.. The mind wanders again-“ when they can manage, why not I? Did I Take a hasty decision?”. Oh my god…wont the mind stop coming to the same point! Well, I know it is going to take time for me to sink in with the present pragmatic life. I shout my moods at all those at home and I am afraid that does not sink down to my little one. The mind is back getting up with the same frustration “Yet another day!”…

Well, I realize I can’t start every day like this. Yes, I comfort myself yet again to take things easy , engage myself and make use of the time I have been longing for all these years and well, that has what has triggered me in writing this too. Every other week I find new ways to engage myself and that keep things moving in a more pleasant way as we know life just cant keep going with cribbing J. And I must also say this, every other day something or the other that my little darling does ,just wipes away all the gloomy thoughts!

When no one else takes me so seriously, then why should I take things to my head? And now I am again finding ways to occupy myself and spend some times just for me J. May be it is all passing clouds to settle down as a perfect mom and a home maker!!! Lets see how life takes its way..

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom- Initial Days

You get up lazily, happy to see that there are no alarm bells. I wake my child with all my love and there he sees his mom –don’t know after how long- as he gets up with lot more laziness than me J. Both of us after lot of pamper and chit chats get ready to school. When I left him to the school for the first time and reached home, it was a great feeling. Was thinking to myself- How much have is missed all these days without a pinch of regret for leaving my career.

I would stress the fact that my son was not getting the confidence that I would be with him all time. Though he enjoyed the time with me, there was a feeling of insecurity in the mind of such a little child and he was clinging more to his dad and grandma. It took some time for him to settle down with me. It was a miserable feeling when your kid asks- Amma, will you leave me and go to office again”. I trashed all my inside regret of leaving my career and there comes the reassurance again..

Days flied with this routine. My son with all smiles and confidence clinging to me for everything. Me enjoying the longer sleep, little bit cooking, reading, and exploring all that I liked . Having plans on how to keep myself engaged as well as happy !

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom!!

Here comes another day where I again snap the alarm and get back to a nap for five more minutes which for sure ends to atleast twenty minutes. After snoozing it for three times i get up in a hurry, with hundreds of thoughts running in mind , and like a robot I am again ready to office. Kissing my son who is blissfully sleeping, I step out of the house thinking do I have to go?? And yes,,,this thought has become a part of my daily routine…

The moment you enter office all this vanishes and the mind is busy on all the agendas of the day..The daily meetings to which you rush many times skipping your breakfast,,,and that’s it …i forget everything else .. sometimes i get a call from my two year old and I start hating myself for not having time to hear the lil one..Now the mind is no where, neither on the meeting nor on my little darling! You nod your head to both not knowing for what though..You can imagine the consequence J .

There comes the thought again…..do I need to do this? And I decide for the hundredth time I am quitting this job and have a happy time with my loved ones at home…

You get a call from your manager asking for updates , reports , milestones and all blah blahs and the mind again gets engrossed with work . With nothing in place , I curse everyone on earth and do things in such a hurry to catch the earliest bus home..and finally check the mobile for the missed calls from home…

On the way back the same thought trigger in different forms I would say,,,”no one is happy with me nor am i..y not take a break…”. Litlle bit of diversion comes in when you have small chit chats with your friends on the way back and well if anyone is in foul mood, which is very much possible, you get it on you . That’s the easiest thing you catch up to add on to your fully packed mind of confusion !!

The mind is tired now and there is frustration that you take back home..T he door opens with a disappointed kid and a relieved grandma waiting to have some rest. I take almost an hour to make him happy and when he is all pepped up I am tired …just gobble something and go to bed…just giving a blank nod to whatever people at home say….and sleep like a log…..

The routine continues and then came the final day when I took the decision. The mind is crystal clear and decisive inspite of listening to all advices and viewpoints. I am happy with this decision, I reassured myself and walked straight to putforth my resignation!!!
And you know what? Yes…you guessed it right…The mind again toggles with all the appreciation and promises that you are given and the assurance of a great career…The temptation pricks your mind…You go back home asking everybody at home hundred times if they are happy and is this right ? Wishing deep inside , you get the answer you want!!!

And you know what is the answer? “If you are so tempted, see if you can continue for some more time..All this is just for a while..When the kid grows you may be able to manage….and then the other side of the opinion pops out…see, your health is also important…think and decide…don’t repent later…”

Every working mom can understand how it feels with this answer….The ball is thrown back to your court!!! No one is supportive enough to you as they are more smart of the consequences and finally you say to yourself –Yes, I am not looking back.. The smile of my lil one is my happiness..I am just going to sit back and enjoy every moment and give back leisure and happiness to everyone at my sweet home…

The one month of notice period flies away and the farewell day comes where u bid good bye to you r work, not knowing if you are going to come back…and yes,,you keep reassuring to yourself and everybody this is your happiest day….

Back to Office!

The day my little darling entered this world is still vivid in my mind. Lot of fear and excitement- a mixed feeling. Then passed five months at home just with my little darling, lot of dreams filling my thoughts on how to bring him up. Ofcourse, there were times when there were continous sleepless nights and tough challenging times too. Every little movement of him was an excitement. Camera and camcorder behind the pillows so that I don’t miss anything!!!

Yes, the time has now come to return to work after utilizing all possible leave extensions.. The first day I ever parted for more than an hour from my little darling. With a troubled state of mind I leave him to my mom and finally left to office. He is too young to even understand that I will be back in the evening and fondle him. What would go through the little mind? Would he think his mom his lost or that she does not care about him?

All the thoughts were just flashing my mind as I was on the way to office. The moment I entered in, it was all so new. The place I used to spend more than ten hours a day for years was like an alien world. Then came the welcoming and along with it every other person I see on the way no matter whether I know them or not was the sentence-“You must be feeling really bad leaving your little one at home”! When they know the pain God! Why do they ask it ?

Finally, settling at my work place and you know I was looking at the monitor and keyboard as if seeing for the first time J . Five months at home just engrossed with the little one -be it a nappy change, feeding, cleaning or playing- completely abandoned from the outside world to some extent. In few hours I was getting used to this routine and then it was time to go back home. First time in my career, have I rushed so soon! Ofcourse, then on this is my way!!

On the way back home, I was thinking a little too much in the fifteen minutes drive that I had in order to reach home. Will he be excited to see me? Or will he think I left him alone? Will he be angry? Will he start hating me!! Then I said to myself- Relax- he is a baby J

I rushed upstairs hurriedly washing my hands to hold the little one. There he was- happily cuddled in the hands of his grand parents and laughing to glory. When I tried to hold him, he just looked away as if looking at someone for the first time! May be he thought I will leave again or was it his naughty way of showing his disappointment? We then struggled in our own way for a patch up. And how he is in my lap playing heartily.I fed him and put him to sleep, looking at the little angel and wondering how he would feel the next day. I can’t even tell him that I will go to office tomorrow and rush back to see him in the evening.
To our surprise, kids do adjust themselves better than we adults do. In few weeks he started saying bye bye to his mom. They are more accepting! It was me with a flip flop mind sandwiched with guilt, confusion and what not. After three years of this unstable mind, now I am with him all time. And when I say someone even on the phone- That I am feeling lonely at times being at home, he runs to me and says spontaneously- Amma, you are not lonely, am I not with you”! -what else do you need!!!

Traffic Jam

If you wake me from a deep sleep and ask me- “Tell me one thing you hate the most?”. My spontaneous answer would be- Traffic Jam!!! I never want to use the word ‘Hate” in my life but this one I am just not able to stand!!!

Many a times you get stranded on the streets waiting, sometimes even hours, due to traffic jam. Some of us getting late to office, school or even missing a flight. I assume whatever be the situation; it just makes you lose your patience.

Yesterday I was struck in a traffic jam for say thirty minutes. Well protected from the sun in an air conditioned car and with some nice songs on, but I was not able to relax. In fact, I was not in a hurry too. If there is an unavoidable reason for the traffic, well still I would not prefer it- for that matter no one does- I can atleast try put up with it.

Most of the times it is due to some political party working on a banner right in the middle of a road or some so called VIP’s entry or even worse is digging a main road, which seemed to be pretty normal last evening you passed by! Even worse is working on the school zone road during peak hours! If it is none of these, then it is some insane person parking in a wrong place creating a nuisance to everyone.

I am sure this gets on to the nerves for most of us. So atleast lets do whatever possible from our side to prevent or reduce these jams and make life a little better for ourselves and others!!

For things out of my control, let me attempt to take the positive side-Atleast I am not struck in the traffic with the sun directly striking on my head, adding to the fumes inside me !! And of all things I just need to get used to it or opt the choice of being locked indoors !! Well, in that case, the former is better.

Kids are Amazing

Kids are amazing. They make you think you out f the box? I know no one is gonna debate on this. Just wanted to share some little things about my little three year old, that stunned me.

Once I used the mosquito spray on one of the rooms and told him-listen, you should not go there as I have used the spray in that room. All parents can guess the popping questions. After his usual queries, what is that used for? Where will the mosquitoes go? etc., his sincere complaint was -"Why dint the mosquitoes tell him bye bye before it left his room?":)

One of the other instances that amazed me on the ways kids imagine was this. I took him to a toy shop and he was busy picking up his favourites. On the way back home, I asked him what will you get me when you grow up? Quite unexpected came the spontaneous response- I will get you a cradle. I asked- "What? What will I do with a cradle? I will be a old lady then". You know what his reply was- “When I grow up, you will  become small. I will take care of you the way you took care of me when I was a baby!! “
Silly it might be when you apply logic to it, but then astonishing it is if we look at the way their little mind imagines!!

Not only are they creative, they are smart too! So we need to be super active and smart to handle themJ

Thinking I am dealing things in a very good way, once I told him – My dear, see I listen to whatever you say. So you should also listen when mom or dad says something to you. He immediately nodded and I kissed him saying Good boy! The next second, he said- Mom, you tell me what I like to do and I will definitely listen you!!! With the cutest smile and what else can you do other than smiling!!!

I think it is these little things that is adding spice to our life and also inspires to get us out of our tuned mind. After all, we need to tackle the curiosity and queries of these blooming buds in a way that really satisfies them!!!

Take it Easy!

Were there not times when we wonder we have become complaining and the innocent happy smile replaced with a grim frown most of the days It is not surprising that we would not even have noticed it.

One day you stand in front of the mirror looking at the emerging white hair and start thinking how to get rid of it? Instead, if you put on a pleasing smile on your face, I bet no one would even notice the grey hair. You start worrying more about the future and forget to live the present..

If you look at a three year old, a mere straw or even a pencil is fascinating. And when we were in teens, little bit of window shopping or a movie with friends would make your day. A greeting card you get from a friend that you treasure so much or saving your pocket money to treat your friends- whatever it is- Every single moment was joyous and we did not make any attempt for it.

Today you have everything. You have a great job, latest car and all things you dreamed of. But still we are not content. You go to a movie with same dear friends but do you feel the same way? You shop without looking at the price tag and for every other occasion you have a treat either at office or with family! This was the life we wanted. Then what is the complaint about?

Have you noticed that it was never difficult to get ready with full spirits for a picnic that you longed for, at 4 am in the morning, while you curse to get up even at 6 am for your work? Was staying awake the whole night when your little one was not well ever a big deal? Was waiting the whole night for a call when your dear ones are away on a travel was strenuous? Lets look at the other side. If your boss asks you to work overnight, you fight for a comp off and when your office bus comes half an hour early to avoid the traffic, you curse everyone and sometimes even make a big deal out of it!!

So it is just the mind set that decides everything. Complaining and cribbing is not going to take us anywhere. If we spend few minutes thanking on all that we have and have dreamt of, we would not complain on few things that we may have missed in life!

And most of all, nothing is going to change the life we are destined to live. So why not make the best out it and live the present moment the best way we can. If we bring the childishness that is deep rooted within us, life is not going to be as stressful or complicated as it seems to be!

Do I know My Own Mind?

My mind- what is that really? I think of controlling it so many times and it never listens. It goes in its own way. Exactly doing things what I don’t want to. Thoughts just sail through it and most of the times I lose track of it.

I sit back trying hard to analyse it. All these years it has been with me and I don’t even know my own mind!! Sometimes jubilant with energy, suddenly moody, and in a minute it goes emotional. Crazy I would say if someone else does that? But then it is my own mind!! Am I crazy then? Perhaps!!!

One minute I think-Why should I take things so seriously and the very next moment I think-What Is life without emotions? Are we animals?...I am so unstable and is it fair when I expect someone else to understand me? Blame them if they get me wrong??A sensible mind would say –That is absolutely unfair!!! Well, as I said-Mine is not a stable one !!

You read it everywhere these days to live the moment, to relax, take things easy and many in line. You reinforce to yourself everytime and I tell you these just tempt you to do the reverse, though unwillingly!!

I often think why expect so much, though you would expect only from your dear ones who make up your life. I am not even satisfying my own expectations!! Why not let your dear ones free of questions, complaints and expectations? Accept them and give them the space. Joy is in giving and not in receiving.

Why do my happiness have to depend on others and why cant we be our own best friend. People, situation and everything else change with time. That is the law of nature. We all know. It is only our own mind, learnings that we had from our lives that remain with us. Is it not sane enough to realize that and find the true everlasting companion within ourself?

Even as I write this, the mind flickers on the various experiences and instances that it has gone through. So is it a fact that it does not want accept the truth? Well, then I am not forcing it!! Let me atleast accept that I cant change the way my mind wavers, its expectations , emotions, silly thoughts etc.and not sit down analyzing it!!!