Sunday, December 20, 2009

Looking Back !

It has been close to a year since I decided to be a home maker or rather more specifically a full time mom!. Just trying to look back on how this change has influenced me. A nostalgia? Well, I know it has not been that long but seems it has brought about a lot of change in myself, my lifestyle and ofcourse a greater impact to my home and family.

Exciting as well as apprehensive in the beginning, it evolved with varied reactions, opinions, ideas and now finally it is in the threshold of boredom looking for something!

Figuring out how to put it…Hmm…Here it goes as a recipe…:)
(One spoon of health + 2 tbs of laziness + 1 tbs of cooking + a pinch of personal time) – (2 tbs of confidence+2 tbs of mood swing+ a full spatula of devilish thoughts working on the devil’s mind)

I have explored all possible combination to keep myself busy at home. Yes, there are quite a lot of things to do at home and my little one. But still it is not fulfilling and there is a vaccum developing inside me that burst as a swing of temper or tears.

My little one is growing up and does not need me beside him all the time and it is time for him to make his own play group. Though the mind is all set to say a good bye to a career , the time you I get when he is out at school or busy with some classes, I have started the hunt to engage myself. In what way? Not sure :) Learning something? May be a part time job i can take up when he is away at school, so that i dont end up thinking the whole world is busy and i dont have anything at all to do.

 Let us see how it goes and what i end up doing !!!!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

What do you really want for your children- Wayne W.Dyre

I just happened to flip through this book just like any of the parenting books, but then as I flipped through the first few pages, it was really kindling my thoughts on what I am upto in raising my child. It was a little different from the usual kind and an interesting read when you go a little deep inside.  Just quitting a job and being with the child all time is not the only justice I make to bring him up as a complete person.

In the words of the author, this book emphasizes on bringing up a no-limit person. He defines a no limit person as one who can enjoy life when things around him go mad and look at the positive side of life instead of frowning over the negatives. In the present day scenario of stress and anxiety everywhere, you can easily identify so many scenarios mentioned in this book, that resemble with our own characters, which we would definitely not want to pass it on to the future generations. As parents, we all want the best for our children, but what we define the “Best” is a varied opinion. In the fast moving world of competition and so called westernized influence, it is definitely challenging to give pace to the growing kids. News headline on kids’ suicide, depression and anxiety at much younger ages urge the need of more concern for kids to grow up as a no limit person, rather than a successful/winning child.

I am just sharing some of the ideas and examples in this book coupled with my views on them. The book keeps us on the move while not only highlighting the dilemma faced in raising our kids, but also suggests some solutions which may be worth a try!

As we raise our kids, our learning also grows as a parent. What would be our opinion on a doctor who has just blown a cigar, advising on the addiction of nicotine? Yes, we need to live by example for our kids and for that we need clarity on what we need for our children and how do we go about it.

•    Most of the times we prefer to live our life by habit rather than our thinking capacity.  Kids need independence to think and need to learn to make their own choices in life. A five year old can be relied upon to choose his own friends, take a nap or choose his meal. Smallest of things, we can try to make him explore the food we do not prefer and not just tune their tongue to ours :)

•    Another common thing that we experience in our own lives is wanting of approval from others. If I look back at my own life, most of the times I have just tried to be a good daughter, a friend, a student, a wife and whatsoever roles. Not that it is wrong, but all through the times it has been more of satisfying what others want and giving less of thought whether that is the best choice for me. The bottom line is wanting of someone’s approval all the times. One of the highlights of this book is that it emphasizes on not winning the approval of others but just go by self approval. If the child is asking you a choice of dress to impress her friends at a party. Instead of-“Your friends will like you in this hairstyle”, it can be “Do you think you look the best in this hairstyle?”. We need to make them understand they might need to face disapproval in many forms as they walk through their lives and so what is important is self approval.

•    Complaint is becoming another universal phenomenon and we just try to pass the ball whenever something does not happen the way it is supposed to. We are more into “Who is at fault”, rather than “What is the solution” pattern. It is not so surprising when the child come up with tattletales of other children’s behaviour. The best response is to give an honest response to them that we are not interested in any of their tattles and that they have to figure out the response without constant indulgence of parents.

•    The book also discusses another frequent weapon that is used-“Guilt”! “If you don’t do this, God will punish you!”. We would have used this so many times not even realizing it could have any impact.. The child is immobilized and left with no choice. The author suggests a better way to put it-“ Look into yourself if what you did is right. Guilt is used as a mechanism to manipulate others, that is making others behave the way you want, which in turn may lead to stressful relationship or circumstances.

•    Also, constant urge to win also poses stress to the kids. It will be healthier if we encourage children to self evaluate themselves whether they have given their best performance and focus on what they can improve on themselves, as each kid is unique. Such kids grow up as no limit individuals, as defined by the author.

Home is the first school and parents are the first teachers. It is important that we don’t expose them to the vagaries of anger and complaints at home and then preach them this philosophy. The author also suggests ways to tackle the everyday issues we face with our little ones. 

•    When you say “I am bored”, the child says it back to you. At any point there could be atleast ten activities we could do and boredom is one of the choices we take. So when our child uses it, we can tell them the choices they have at the moment- paint, clean, play ….” or do they still make a choice of feeling bored.

•    If the child is upset on his friends making funny remarks, instead of consoling the child and feeling bad along with him, or asking him to stay away, the author puts it in a better way-“ Are you upset because you played bad or that your friends made fun of you”. If we teach the child that we don’t let external sources influence us, they become their own masters.

Getting deep into the book, might feel a little preaching, which may possibly be difficult to pursue unless we change our whole self. And that may not be such an easy task! But I definitely feel it is worth a read and would definitely widen our perspective on what we want from our children.