Thought Waves

Love it when it is so simple!!

2011-11-23T10:53:00.002-08:00

Very True !!!

2011-10-24T10:37:00.001-07:00

Very true! But many times the emotional swirl makes it hard to realize thts simple fact...Well said!

2011-10-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Cool :)

The real project management!

2011-10-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

No doubt I adore my two little darlings who add flavors to my life, but sometimes I am tested for my patience when it drains my energy levels to a complete zero. It’s so demanding that metaphorically I could not help relating them to handling a maintenance project of a demanding client and a prospective and an interesting project with a new client!

No matter how hard I try to manage the time so that I finish everything and put Harini to sleep before Navneeth is back from school, the sweet demanding angel is wide awake exactly when her bro is back from school. There comes Navneeth dashing the door open without even removing his socks- with all the enthusiasm to tell some stories of his long day at school and in a jiffy his mood takes a topsy-turvy when he finds his mom not having time to listen to them. All he gets to hear is- “can’t you remove your socks? Why do you open the door with such force?” And there he goes out with a louder bang on the door after pulling her leg or hand with nonchalance. Then I calm this little lady and go to the big bro with all the buttering and there he looks at me indifferently.Uff…with all the patience bundled with silly stories, funny stories, tickling and fun, he gets back to form. The little sis sniffs it and call the mom for a nappy change. And now when Navneeth misses on something or start his tantrum, that’s the end. He gets a piece of my mind- a real big piece of my mind. Poor thing! May be he even thinks-“does mom have multiple split personality?”. Just that he may be too young to put it in words!!

Adding to this, come the altercations in doing the homework, getting Navneeth ready for classes, the daily activities, the household chores and settling down the night with the little angel- singing lullaby and playing to her sweet tunes even after the midnight has passed by a long time back.

Toggling between these two darlings, struggling to satisfy both to the maximum made me relate it to the toughest project management tasks at office. The challenge here is however tough the timelines are, you cannot delegate the tasks nor would you want to delegate it :)) The distinguishing line is that-"this is a project filled with love and emotions that will remain close to your heart till the end. Great performance here may not fetch promotions or bonus but the smiles, hugs and satisfaction you get in return cannot be matched. "

No doubt, Old is Gold

2011-10-16T13:06:00.001-07:00

I am alone with my little daughter and she is sleeping. With almost all the work done for the day, I assume I have a little time for myself until she rings the alarm. I thought I can catch up with some of the missed calls of my friends. Only then I realized I don’t know a single number by heart; much to be ashamed, even my mom’s number(new mobile number though!), with the mobile lost.

I lost my mobile yesterday night and it has been misused by some miscreant, who had his part of fun by calling all the contacts in the midnight, creating embarrassment and havoc. Thank God, I had written down some of the frequently used numbers in case of any emergency during my delivery. I am completely handicapped now losing all the contact details.

It just flashed my mind how I used to remember the numbers of almost all my friends and relatives during the pre cell phone days; and maintain a telephone diary which now looks like an antique for me. Now when I dial the numbers using the house landline, I feel like using it for the first time . Storing all the numbers with names and reaching them in one-press has been one of the contributing factors for my rusting memory. May be I cannot get back the memory of having all the numbers in my finger tips, but with this incident I ensured that I practice writing down the numbers so that I don’t get stuck like this, especially such precious rare time for a pep talk which adds some spice and energy to the otherwise monotonous routine :). Time to think about the flip sides of the advanced technologies :).

Time machine

2011-09-30T11:13:00.001-07:00

While I was revisiting my blog after a long time, thought would change its look and feel; To try some variety, going back and forth many options and template…to come out of the same monotonous look…! When I was able to hit the option to go back to my previous template, it just flicked my mind – how wonderful would it be if we had this choice in life!!!

Paasa Malargal??

2011-09-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

When I held my dear Navneeth for the first time, it was like a magic that made me feel I would do anything in the world to bring a smile to this delicate darling who just came into my life few hours back and blessed me to feel the motherhood. He meant (and of course would remain so !) the world to me in a jiffy, as I held him for the first time. I promised him I would always give the best of me in everything.

Now, I have another little gal in my hand and it’s the same feeling once again. This time, while admiring my little princess, I kept reassuring the big brother in whose eyes I saw happiness, fear and little insecurity. I guess this is natural, though I never had a chance to experience it.

The initial days of turmoil he brought in with all the adamancy I could never imagine on him, kindled a doubt of how is this gonna work out. Right from throwing the swimming float on his 11 days old little sister, pulling her hand or head secretly, to wanting to practice his karate punch with her. I didn’t know whether to sympathize with him or just scream with all my might “ whts wrong with you”? as if he knew it and I dint know!!!

But now, my sweetheart Navneeth triggered me to just blog this. All the made up stories, advice, screaming or the matter of time..dunno which worked! I could not help admire you secretly talking to ur lil sister saying you would teach her everything. It was so sweet of you showing her everything around her ‘ This is your nappy pad”, “ This is a cell phone” …You then assured her that she would get everything he got ; right from his play school, school, rattle and the brand of nappies and of course nothing different or extra, be it a nappy brand!!:)))

and now when I kissed him goodnight, he said- Mom, when she troubles you crying I will take care of her by singing or doing something the way you would do for me. Call me when she cries!

Oh my God! With the biggest happiest hug I just managed to say “Sure, now you sleep!”.

So my little princess, You got the best big brother who is just counting days to hold you in his hand and walk you through the world. I am so happy about you my dear son, though I know you would have some innovative tantrum to keep me behind you and test my patience right in the morning.

Play it safe!!

2011-09-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

I just happened to read the saying “ If you really love someone, then let them go. If they come back to you, then they are always yours, else they were never yours. Very true! But I would say, better not take the risk. Hold on to it as tight as you can if you cannot survive without it rather than brooding in the future for having lost it

Silence........No more!!!!

2011-09-25T11:33:00.001-07:00

Another saying that passed my idle mind was “Silence is Golden”. Yes, it is golden when you get a piece of your time after all the tantrums of your kid at the end of the day or when you are out of a “hot” onsite call at your office or sometimes after a tiring altercation at home that you know never has a solution. But sometimes, silence kills! Silence that is the outcome of ego, silence when the mind wants someone to break the ice, silence when you are fuming with emotions, silence to just escape from the current conversation instead of looking towards a solution….Yes! such silence kills...and silence is no more golden most of the times.......

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2011-09-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

When you can neither spit nor swallow, you are stuck in the throat. That’s what happens with so many things in life-unable to completely ignore and at the same time cannot accept. The ego that sustains this tug of war drives you mad and you go crazy. If there is one person who wishes you a simple good morning with a smile and that drives you the energy for all the cranky hurdles you face the entire day and there is one single heart that ensures you sleep peacefully with a gentle good night, then I would say you are worth living this roller coaster life.

Navneeth Neram...

2011-09-25T11:31:00.001-07:00

Navneeth: What is the capital of America?
Mom: Washington
Navneeth: oh…….you have lot of washing machines in america ..thats you it is called so?

While Navneeth was constantly trying to disturb me while I was working on the computer. He was persistent that he wanted to watch his favorite Noddy CD on the computer. I said, please wait for a while dear, I am doing something very important. Tell me is it possible for 2 people to do different things on the computer at the same time? So you gotto wait for a while.
Navneeth: Yes! (with an expression of why not?) in his face.
Mom: How do you do it?
Navneeth? Buy another computer!!!!!
(Thank God! He was not probing into my words technically..they are so much inquisitive that hardly a few years and I better watch out before I say something)

With ants filling the kitchen, my little darling found a few in a bowl of rice. Next day, he saw his grandma having a bowl of rice, came running and said—stop! Paati ada saapdada..
Paati: enda?
Navneeth: with a face full of seriousness and care, paati, you know what”That day ant was eating the rice. It means it is sweet … so don’t eat rice because you have sugar..”
(Though coincidence with science that rice is not advisable for diabetes, it is the way the little mind relates that brought laughter to our faces)

It has always been “ME” who is always behind Navneeth, trying to make him come out of his playfulness. The childishness in him has never made him take the winning concept in competitions serious. Although, anytime he wins a prize, he is just elated. But today is the first time he had cried so much almost rolling on the floor that he deserved a prize and was not given. Somehow, convinced him winning is not all that matters every time, but wanting to win and learning from the winners is what it matters. Today, I was successful in convincing to do better the next time but with the outstanding smart kids all over, I hope he does not give up the spirit.

Confused!

2011-09-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

Fear, guilt, insecurity…what not? Name anything inline with lack of confidence and I think I can feel it. It’s a tough phase and the more I think of it, the more these emotions swirl around and the most predictable outcome is complete smash of self control. A set back in health creates lot of guilt of not able to do what we want. There is nothing worse than not being able to do what you want for your child and there goes a tug of war with your body and mind where the weak adamant body wins over the well planned agenda of your mind. As I struggle more to win myself and the results go vain, there is one outburst of anger and then emerges fear, guilt ..and the viscous cycle is just replicating. I search everywhere as to where to point the blame and realize it’s all in me, though it is not in my control to be shaped the way I want. Every systematic plan coupled with lot of effort to make my little one to be on his own, is pulled down by the highly unpredictable state of health. So long there has been no compromise on the meticulous approach for his wholesome care, be it health, play or any other activities. Not that I was aiming for him to be perfect, I had the confidence I have all the time to understand his needs. I beleive it will all settle down in a while, but the phase to cope up is mind boggling. Everything is haphazard right from household chores to important activities like payment of rent skipping the schedule and at the end of it, all that remains is disgust and frustration. Hope this outlet of what runs through my mind gives little space to think clear or atleast leave everything for time to settle. For once, left with no other choice let me believe in luck and destiny whenever I stumble my own expectations.

Cling Cling

2010-12-08T08:59:00.001-08:00

As a baby, my eyes hankered to hold the hands of my mom,
To break the insecurity, to give me confidence;
As I grow, the young girl in me looked forward
To hold on to my career,
Along with the fun and stress that it brought along.

The marriage knot brought a new dimension to life,
Holding on to a hand in the path of life,
Then I grow to hold on to a baby,
Both of us holding on to each other so that neither of us fall!

I sit around today thinking when would I come out of this
relay race of holding onto something,
Though you may call this a way of life,
Is it not time to hold on to something on which I have control,
Why not hold on to myself?
So that I can be steady enough to hold so many other hands!

Great(or No?) Expecations

2010-11-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

Any emotion has its root from expectations. Its rather a very commonly heard quote that “ No expectations, no disappointments”. I bet almost every one of us would have heard this atleast once and that too from the most dear ones who claim to care the most for us. I agree that is the greatest philosophy of life but then have they thought of the feasibility of this?

When you are seriously disappointed on something and someone says this to you, would we be in a position to understand this great philosophy? We either shout back at them or get all the more irritated or see them as GOD for enlightening you at the moment :).

I had always tried to give importance to this quote from those dear ones of me; after all they say this to make me happy. How would it be if I do a little logical pondering on it?
Here it goes…

Expectations get its origin the time we enter this world.

The doctor expects the child to cry as it is born…
A teacher expects a child to perform in the required manner….
Parents have certain expectations on their children….and there are so many such instances..

In any of these situation, if we use our favourite quote??? Fingers crossed :)))

If a mom questions a child on his low grade and the child uses this famous quote, will you be happy that he understood what life is all about??

OK….before you get wild on me,,,let me take this little closer….Does any relationship bloom without expectations? If we don’t have any expectations on anything at all, where is the human in us? Fulfilled expectations bring cheer and broken expectations bring sorrow. The two major pillars of emotion-happiness and sorrow- origin from expectations. How can we throw this out? If this emotion in us can be thrown so easily, wouldn't we be saints? We are all normal human beings controlled by emotions and the building block of emotions is expectations.

As any relationship blooms, the expectation rises and the strength of any bondage is in the attempt to understand and fulfill the expectations of our loved ones. Sometimes, we fail and that is natural. We can justify it and come to a compromise. Is there any spice in life if for the fear of disappointments, we stay away from expectations?

We are not insane to have tons of expectations from everyone and if we do so, then I join hands with the propagators of this quote. But certain expectations are justified and if they are not satisfied, we have every right to mourn about it, fight for it and settle it down and I am sure that will make us feel lot better and strengthen the bond than hearing and submitting ourselves to this quote.

Next time someone uses this, please think if it is really applicable. I do agree sometimes it holds true too…:)but please can we make it context sensitive?? :))

Navneeth Neram-continues....

2010-10-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

Can we call this Witty?

Navneeth: Looking at the new ipod, curiously asking “What do you call this?
Mom: i-pod
Navneeth: The one you keep in ears and listen to songs…what do you name it?
Mom: That’s wht…ipod
Navneeth: “eye”-pod a?
Mom: yes dear..i pod..how many times do you ask?
Navneeth: Very serious and convinced on his logical reasoning says “You keep it in the ear and listen , Why do you say “eye”- pod? Ear pod dane?”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about you dad?

First time he participated in a sloka competition and he got a participation prize. Very nice of the organizers to encourage all the kids and most of the kids came out running that they won the prize with the participation certificate in their hand. It was such a feast to the eyes to see the triumphant feeling in the kids. I thought as they grow they will know the spirit of competition. But that was not so far. The second time it happened the very next month. Again he got a certificate  and this time he witnessed few kids having something more than a certificate. When he asked me I said – You said so well that’s why you got this. If you say little loud next time, you will get that gift”. Hesitantly, he was quiet and as a token of encouragement I got him a “prize”. But then I guess he understood the difference of winning a prize.

Few weeks later, his dad had completed some exam and he heard me say “Congratulations” over the phone. Unexpectedly with a serious concerned face he snatched the phone from me and asked- “Appa, did you get a certificate or a prize?”(According to him, you are congratulated only when you win any competitions” ). We could not help bursting out into laughter. How much I wish I had a dslr cam handy to capture that expression of curiosity to know whether his dad was a winner or just got a certificate, which according to him everyone gets . Only then I could realize the impact of the prize winning feeling on the four year old.

For now, this has been a motivational factor for him to win a prize. I do sometimes feel with the sensitivity rising in the recent days, the challenge of competing with highly talented kids, will every failure be taken a stepping stone for self improvement or pave way to give up the struggle of competing? Anyways, life is but a hope of positives in all aspects.

Shh....Gossip corner

2010-09-23T09:26:00.001-07:00

“Shh...No Gossip" is something all of us hear at one point or the other but it is something all of us can’t resist. Sometimes, you do it as you want to do it, sometimes unintentionally you get involved in it. It even becomes ventilation from the stress we go through. Don’t you agree a quick gossip at a tea break on a busy day would make you feel better?

And who is gonna break the myth that only women are more inclined to gossips? If you closely observe even men enjoy listening to all the gossips but then with the disclaimer they are not for it. They do secretly enjoy it and they get so used to it that they may even sometime miss it, all the while not realizing it, or may be not accepting it. And yes, even they do gossip. May be the area of gossip may be on a little different perspective, which they claim it to be a healthy argument. Well, I would say that is also a gossip.

Gossip is not something always entitled to back biting and waste of time prevailingly targeted on the housewives of the family and is even criticized as an outcome of an idle mind. May be sometimes it is, as all other things, I feel there is also a good side to it.

Let me share some of the quick interesting gossips that i catch up with moms and elderly paati’s, while I wait for my child either at his play or at any of his classes. Some of them were quite interesting, funny as well as thought provoking. Here goes few…

1. Why women should be sent to in-laws house, when it is an established fact that no two women can get along. Had it been son’s going to in-laws place, most of the times they would be at office and mom and daughter are less likely to get into tiffs?

2. Really interesting tips on shopping, informative tips on all the classes in the neighborhood more updated than the newspapers, cooking tips and just for fun columns also add to this gossip corner.

Such gossips also give a broader perspective on different kind of people and opinions and yes, it is always a matter of choice on what kind of gossip you want to join in. I definitely don’t say to take them seriously, but feel they are not to be brand among the “No-No’s”. Such small gossips away from the routine tape recorded talks on kids or spouses or boss or your work is definitely a harmless stress buster.What say?

Navneeth Neram-continues....

2010-09-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

What do I answer? Logging these questions so that I would clarify the answers with his when he grows up 

Is this Compassion or Logic?

Mom: Navneeth, y don’t you wear your slippers? its so hot…
Navneeth: see there are so many ants going..y don’t you stitch a slipper for them too!!

Points to Ponder

Once when I corrected him saying it is hair oil and not head oil, he asked my “Why not”??
Spontaneously, I just answered “That is because you apply to the hair and not head”, not realizing he would ponder on that 
Then came the instant reply- Why do you say head bath and not hair bath?

Yet another incident was when I was just putting him to sleep with a lullaby which has a line “kaveri snanam”…at around 11pm in the night, half drowsy came a question –Amma, if we take bath in the river, wont it get dirty? Y do they ask us to do that??

Well, I guess just as we try to skip confusing points while taking a seminar, fearing questions; I may have to apply the same strategy before I use anything with my little one. A better option may be to get smarter to answer him 

Embarrassed !!

He loves his teacher and I have been using the age old phenomenon of using the teacher’s name wherever he goes wrong. It was working so fine and today he came back from school saying- Mom, when I do a mistake you say that you would tell my teacher. Today, I told her that “My mom beats me when I don’t behave well”.

For a moment I was taken aback. Thank God, he added the clause “when I don’t behave well”. And when I asked him what his teacher replied for that, the answer was-“Be good at home too as you are in the class”

Thanks to the teacher too but what if he had missed the later part of his complaint. And what if he had said that in a place like US?

The Frozen thoughts!!

2010-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

Ups and down here and there sometimes does not let you pen your thoughts frequently.

Started it casually,
unconsciously got involved,
saw everything in me-
my poblem, my emotions
my crazy thoughts
as if designed for me...
sought answers to the questions
i feel hesitant to ask anyone
Now, i am addicted to it.
I love it - THE FROZEN THOUGHTS

The best magazine ever!!i go for it when i am happy, sad, ignored , alone or just want to be with myself.
Sure all those people, like minded as me will enjoy it too :)

Funny Optimism :)

2010-07-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

A simple glass piece
Painted with utmost care and rejoice
Transformed into a beautiful art
Bringing life to every part ..
Alas, to the wind
that shattered it to pieces...
My admires to the lass
who still beleives putting it together
as a challenge to the wind....
Confronting with the way of life..
With a confident smile upon the face,,,

Solitary Whisper

2010-07-16T04:06:00.001-07:00

Instant emails flooding the inbox,

Mobiles clinging to your hand,

Fervent mind chirping to share the

Minute intricacies of life

Restless heart craving a patch up

For the silliest squabble that holds up

The show for hours,

Disappointments turning to excitement

In a jiffy as if an enchantment,

Everything was so easy and fun,

Holding the hands and mind in the tight knot of love

Denying any mystical power in the name of fate

That could steal this beautiful life..

Where is it all now?

Searching searching, searching all the way…..

Stuck in the middle unable to move on either way….

Navneeth Neram......

2010-07-15T02:11:00.000-07:00

There are many times when we stumble to answer the witty curiosity of our growing toddlers. Just thought would pen some of the cutest, sometimes embarrassing but still thought- provoking moments of my little one before it fades from my memory. May be when he grows up we can relish it together :) or I just leaf through these lovely growing years of his, when these spontaneous innocence fades into maturity.

Here goes few…

Navneeth: Thatha, what do you do as soon as you get up?

Grandpa : brush my teeth

Navneeth: But then you don’t have teeth…(With real serious face curious for an answer!)

In the music class,

Teacher: Why are you looking at her? look at me and sing!!

Navneeth: Because in my school “Aadit” was looking at “ Harini”

What a logic!

When I was trying to teach the concept of “maternal” and “paternal” relationships…

Mom: what do you call radha chithi(my sister)

Navneeth: Thinks….with help says maternal aunt

Mom: what do you call viji athai(dad’s sister)?

Navneeth: Again with help,,,says paternal aunt

Mom: rukku paat(My mom)?

Navneeth: maternal grandma

Mom: too very satisfied..says very good!!!!

I was so pleased that he got it right, in the mindset to refresh it , asked him again , now can you tell me what you call radhai paati(dad’s mom)?

Answer: maternal mom!!

Mom: oh no!!!wrong!!

Navneeth: no, I am right..

Mom: Just now I told you navneeth,,,think and say,,,

Navneeth: you call dad’s mom as mom…..you have two moms…why do u say I am wrong?

Mom…ya, you are right!! L

Navneeth: say sorry then!!next time say it right..ok? “say ok…”

In the park, High on the ladder ready to slide,,,

Navneeth: mom, look how tall I am..

Mom: really tall dear..now can u slide..

Navneeth: Can I jump from here?

Mom: No..slide (annoyed)

Navneeth: y??

Mom; little agitated, slideeeeeeeeee,,,,,,,,,,

Navneeth: will I die if I jump from here?

(Loud enough for everyone to hear)

Mom: (embarrassed): pushing the leg to forcibly slide him down !!!!

In the school, when the teacher was discussing on the profession of parents…a small conversation between kids, which I would say gave me the satisfaction that defeated even the best appraisals of my career …

X to Navneeth: My mom is a teacher

Navneeth: without hesitation, my mom takes me from school to home!!

Thank God..Cows dont fly!

2010-06-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

I was busy shifting my house and the magnitude of planning to vacate a house was just too much especially with my little one around getting attracted to all the items heaped in the trash. I was just wondering how few of them make it so easy. Whatever said, things had to move on and everything was getting delayed. The packers and movers were late by more than two hours after recursively calling them every half an hour and I was cursing as if I was handling the world’s toughest challenge and nothing was going my way.

Finally when they entered, it was three teenage guys and we immediately gave a piece of our mind the moment they stepped in. Calm and composed were two of them, assuring things will happen on time and one of them spoke out very politely-“Please talk to the owner. We are just part time workers not informed of any timings” and then started off with their work. I was taken aback for a moment and I bet if many of the highly placed professionals complaining of stress at work would have this attitude, life would definitely be better.

Though not great professionals at their work they went on with what little fun they could have for themselves without any frustrations. This made me wonder-oh my god, Here I am just sitting and getting restless and irritable, when someone else is packing my stuff doing with outmost care”.

After few hours of work, I came to know they were all final year engineering students doing this as part time job with their college reopening the next day. When asked, they told me they are paid 200 rupees per day for this tedious work. Had I been in this place, I am sure I would have felt the most unfortunate person struggling even for education. To add on, I would be cribbing on how to repay the loan for my studies earning this way?I could not stop relating the confidence and attitude of these guys compared to the demands of the children we are struggling to fulfill .

This made me relate to an article recently read wherein a person perfectly dressed for an interview got his dress spoiled by a crow that passed his head upon which he commented- Thank God, cows don’t fly”!

Well, I now feel it is more than a “just for laugh “column.

Back again!!

2010-06-21T10:25:00.001-07:00

One thing on the priority list of all my backlogs is my blog. Like all the endless planning, which never gets implemented, keeping my blog active has also joined the list. Today, I somehow made time and decided to kick off this top item on the pending list.

Just thinking back, this blog had just started as a good companion to me and I enjoyed writing it .Now, I am looking for excuses why I have not been writing. Next in the pipleline of my mind is “why am I writing this?” Not because someone asked me to, nor that it is my exercise and of course not to impress anyone or win readers. It was to bottle up my silly thoughts and may be in future I read them and enjoy the reminiscences of incidents, my views and the state of my flickering mind just like how we browse our school photographs.

My thoughts had been flooding with various things to update on this blog, and the only lame excuse for not doing it was not taking time off for myself.

May be I was looking for an auspicious day to resume this work ?? :) and well in that case let that day be today !

So like all other things I assure to myself that I continue blogging and get my piece of satisfaction and contentment by jotting my thoughts and sharing it with all of you!!

Adieu Nokia!

2010-02-25T06:07:00.000-08:00

After a really really long time, I thought I would change my mobile. My Nokia basic model, I have to admit, had been quite faithful to me after so many mishandling, which include dropping it down more than,,,hmm,,,definitely not less than hundred times. All you need to do just pick up the parts and fix it together which my four year old darling can do it in a jiffy.

The only reason I wanted a change was a quick camera and a camcorder to record the instant reactions and surprise performances by my little one. Cannot run around for a camera or a camcorder for such silly cute extempore! And I had missed so many of them in these two years this way. So decided to upgrade my ever faithful nokia mobile. Never had I thought of any another cell phone provider other than Nokia all these days and now I wanted a change. This sleak stylish sliding Samsung caught my attention. With lot of apprehension, comparing with a Nokia with similar features, I went for this.

As soon as i got, i told it first to a dear friend and there was this spontaneious reaction-"Why did you go for a Samsung? Does not have battery life. Spending so much for a Samsung mobile…It went on….blah blah..", just different version of “Are you crazy?” Got so much influenced that I thought do I need to change it back to Nokia? Though I liked the mobile at the first sight, the thought of ditching the ever steady and running inspite of thrown down the stairs coupled with this first reaction made me give a second thought. I enquired few more Samsung mobile reviews with other friends and it was not so bad. Some of them were-“Come on, lets try a change atleast in this :)”, “Can’t be bad”, “Have not had major problems so far” and few more .Ya, cannot expect it to be so sturdy and steady as Nokia with an endless lifetime was an universal opinion and I don’t deny that too.

But this time I was carried away with this stylish sliding mobile that I thought I will be more tender to this mobile and go with this. After all, how else do I learn to be careful after taking the Nokia to be for granted all these years.

Now, using it for few days, I have really started liking it that I have no second thoughts. Variety is the spice of life..though I don’t dare to test it on everything, I think I can afford to check on this:)

Just My Evening

2010-02-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

I don’t remember the last time I spent one full day all alone. Though this one year at home had given be enough free time, they have never been like being alone.

My mom wanted to take Navneeth to the Ramanajur temple at Sriperumbatur this evening. At first, I was little skeptical on this as I did not want to add on to her strain with my little naughty kid. But then, once you tell him, you can’t stop him and even my mom assured me it should not be a problem as it would not take a maximum of four hours for the visit. Yes, the green signal to start!!

At first, I was thinking what I would do sitting all alone at home as almost all the work for the day had been done. It was almost five in the evening. In just a jiffy, a big list hit my mind. Half a day just for me with no mom to question or advice, no husband to quarrel..oops sorry ..to argue I meant :) and no Navneeth needing my constant scrutiny !

The list ran from reading my favorite long time not returned library book, blogging, peacefully cooking a simple dinner with nice choice of my music, get back with the long time missed calls of friends as there was no Navneeth to pull the mobile, and before I could realize I was sitting idle for half an hour thinking about all this.

As I was spending the evening happily with myself, flashed in my mind the college and school days I used to be alone in the evenings waiting for my mom and dad to return. So being alone was never so difficult as I tuned myself to enjoy such things, ofcourse, until a threshold, which never exceed one evening to the maximum.

I almost completed half the list I just mentioned and it was eight thirty. It was pleasant and peaceful and by now I think I started missing them. Waiting for each of them to come home and make it more lively with all tantrums, scoldings, arguements and blah blahs :))…

I guess it would be nice to make some space for yourself every now and then !

Miss you.....

2010-02-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

With all the tension cooling down after the coimbatore trip, I settled down with the usual self assurance “All for good” and started the usual chores after two days.
I guess I had looked at myself properly in the mirror only now after the trip. Something was missing. Yes, it was my short chain that was a part of me for the past five years. I confidently opened to take it out from my handbag, where I had placed it during the wedding to adore my neck with some jing bangs. When I dint find it in the first search inside my handbag, there was not any panic. Not so easy to find things in my always messy handbag!

But soon I realized it was not there. I started recollecting all the incidents after I had placed it inside. I could easily visualize putting it inside a ziplock cover and that too in the innermost zip of my handbag. After that I never bothered to check that. With all this tension of rushing back home with Navneeth down with viral, where would the thought be?

I searched again everywhere in the suitcases, hand luggage and every other possible places before I declared it was missing. I can guess the reactions-“You should have been more careful”, “This is not the first time” etc,,,!!! , so I dint want to hear it for no reason :). When you are already upset, this kind of adds fuel, though I agree all of them were cent percent true. But yes, now there is no choice. Now I have a trio- me, murali and my mom- brainstorming where and when it could have gone! I hated it. The fact is it is gone. You are just not spared like that so I had to participate in the session!!! There were also if’s and but’s. “If I had worn it again after the wedding”, “if i had cross checked once etc…”

I do feel sad for losing it not only for the cost at which gold and diamonds are sold but also the sentimental value I have attached to it. The pendant with 3 lovely studded diamonds caught almost every woman’s attention. All my dear ones reading this should be by now able to recollect the pendant I am talking about
:( As with all things where you realize your attachment when it is gone, I do miss this lovely pendant hanging around my neck all these years. Flipping through my old snaps, I cannot help noticing the delicate darling hanging around me in almost every snap.

What else can be done now? Bygones are bygones! Ya…need to be more careful :)

Our trip to Kovai

2010-02-23T10:21:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time and I wanted to take a break and go out for a small vacation. Rightly came a wedding of one of our relatives at Coimbatore. So I made sure everything was ready and packed for the trip – a little too much planning for a 2 day show I would say!!

Well, the planning was only on the packing part and not on the ticket front. We had only one confirmed ticket and the other one was confirmed the last minute, so obviously in a different compartment. With a confident hope that we can exchange with some co- passengers, we had packed two suitcases. On top of this, Navneeth was down with fever and with a gut feeling it will subside with a crocin, we proceeded to go ahead with the trip. Murali was also confronted with some important official work and there were few skeptical thought on canceling the trip the last minute. But then we boarded the train beleiving all will be well. Myself and Navneeth in one and murali in another distantly located compartment...one suitcase with me and the other with all handy items for Navneeth with him. We assumed we can talk to the TTE and get back traveling together in the next major junction. Sadly, that did not happen. All the planning went for a toss. Navneeth wanted biscuits, water and also a blanket..Nothing did I have. Cuddled him my duppata and luckily managed to have a crocin in my handbag.. The fever was shooting.

Somehow, we managed to reach the wedding hall. Seeing the crowd and all dham dhoom happening in the wedding coupled with the crocin working inside, Navneeth looked happily enjoying the day and so did we.

The evening passed on with a wonderful trip to some enchanting temples. Navneeth was so excited at the elephants in the temple and jumping around happily. On the way back the fever showed up again. As we reached the mandapam back at 8, he was with high fever and drooping eyes. With incessant cries, he clinged to me. The train to Chennai was at 2 pm the next day which meant going to the doctor would delay by more than 1.5 days. Luckily, we happened to get an invite from one of Murali’s relative to stay for the night. Still hoping he will be alright in the morning, I made him some porridge and also gave him a higher dose of crocin, as per the telephonic instruction fro his usual doctor at Chennai..

All of us were too tired and slept for few hours constantly checking his temperature. With no improvement in the morning, dozen of thoughts flashed my mind. First, I thought would check with some doctor at coimbatore, get some emergency medicine for travel. Then the mind was bombarding in all directions- what if he needs some blood test etc to be taken? What if he needs to be hospitalized? With no one known in this city, what if we get stuck here with Navneeth needing more medical attention…

Then came a flashing thought of reaching home safe and soon. We checked for the earliest flight possible and reached home in the afternoon. Meanwhile, had to call my mom and convince her in the best possible way that there is nothing to worry and just that we are coming as a precaution. As if she cant make it out. Still, its all needed right? We try to think we still act smart even in such a chaotic circumstances ..

Then by noon he was declared by the doctor that it was nothing to be worried and just a viral. There was so much relief in our eyes to see Navneeth playing in the night so casual that nothing had ever happened :). It had taken me a week to settle to the normal routine and sit down writing this.

All the relatives and close ones had been so worried and anxious that we somehow felt the wedding mood was drifted. Well, just thinking back on the planning I had done for this trip..Uh? So I once again go back to my policy that planning never works..And as far as the wedding, we did have fun and if not for this incdent, I guess it would not be so memorable!!

My First Short Story,,,

2010-01-22T11:28:00.000-08:00

It was dawn and she was wrapped in her bedsheet on a chilly winter day. Everyone was fast asleep and there was no hurry to get up on a Saturday. But sleep has always been a very mischievous pal that it never cooperated when needed and just clings on when time demands a wake up. So with eyes still closed, she let free the rope of her mind waver.

Priyanka always loved dreaming and believed in her dreams from childhood. The cute cartoon characters in childhood, the adventurous Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys in teens and many other stories or incidents, she would relate to herself and her life. It could be as fun as playing in snow at Swiss, being on a huge lovely beach with dear ones or as dramatic as crying for an emotional scene on the big screen.

Not much could she recollect of her childhood now, but sure she was a darling to her parents and was a pampered but not a spoilt child. But growing up her dreams has been a challenge as the reality show was scary and not just a cake walk. Her dreams were seldom very extravagant and rich, but it had a bit of everything-fun, emotions and love.

The fun of childhood days and teenage were challenged with a tough time yet she managed it well with a smile and confidence that better days are ahead.

Never would she miss any fun and seldom would you see her without a smile. And she always carried an extra pound of emotion. She would embrace anyone with friendliness and hypocorism was something she never knew it existed. Her dream extended from a favorite student to a successful professional, the delicate darling of her perfect home and it goes on….However God plays his trick, she would never move an inch from her effort of what you can call “The Ideal…Everything(?)….
In other words, persistence and if you go further, you can call it adamancy….

But today wrapped in the bedsheet is the pale Priyanka, without an ounce of energy, living a life for the sake of it. Cribbing has become more like her diet chart. Bundles of routine makes up her day but lost is the life in those bubbly eyes. The seamless love that she showers on her dear ones bring out disappointment when it demands reciprocation. Fear and agitation fills up the vaccum created in her and the half filled glass theory has long back turned out to half empty theory. Arguments have become her style of conversation and she lost the word acceptance in her dictionary. The pressure of life had stolen her dreams.

The beautiful December morning is not worth this nostalgic flashback. The sun was already shining bright and she pepped her up with a self booster so that she attempts another peaceful day, if not the happy days of her dreams.

Looking Back !

2009-12-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

It has been close to a year since I decided to be a home maker or rather more specifically a full time mom!. Just trying to look back on how this change has influenced me. A nostalgia? Well, I know it has not been that long but seems it has brought about a lot of change in myself, my lifestyle and ofcourse a greater impact to my home and family.

Exciting as well as apprehensive in the beginning, it evolved with varied reactions, opinions, ideas and now finally it is in the threshold of boredom looking for something!

Figuring out how to put it…Hmm…Here it goes as a recipe…:)
(One spoon of health + 2 tbs of laziness + 1 tbs of cooking + a pinch of personal time) – (2 tbs of confidence+2 tbs of mood swing+ a full spatula of devilish thoughts working on the devil’s mind)

I have explored all possible combination to keep myself busy at home. Yes, there are quite a lot of things to do at home and my little one. But still it is not fulfilling and there is a vaccum developing inside me that burst as a swing of temper or tears.

My little one is growing up and does not need me beside him all the time and it is time for him to make his own play group. Though the mind is all set to say a good bye to a career , the time you I get when he is out at school or busy with some classes, I have started the hunt to engage myself. In what way? Not sure :) Learning something? May be a part time job i can take up when he is away at school, so that i dont end up thinking the whole world is busy and i dont have anything at all to do.

Let us see how it goes and what i end up doing !!!!

What do you really want for your children- Wayne W.Dyre

2009-12-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

I just happened to flip through this book just like any of the parenting books, but then as I flipped through the first few pages, it was really kindling my thoughts on what I am upto in raising my child. It was a little different from the usual kind and an interesting read when you go a little deep inside. Just quitting a job and being with the child all time is not the only justice I make to bring him up as a complete person.

In the words of the author, this book emphasizes on bringing up a no-limit person. He defines a no limit person as one who can enjoy life when things around him go mad and look at the positive side of life instead of frowning over the negatives. In the present day scenario of stress and anxiety everywhere, you can easily identify so many scenarios mentioned in this book, that resemble with our own characters, which we would definitely not want to pass it on to the future generations. As parents, we all want the best for our children, but what we define the “Best” is a varied opinion. In the fast moving world of competition and so called westernized influence, it is definitely challenging to give pace to the growing kids. News headline on kids’ suicide, depression and anxiety at much younger ages urge the need of more concern for kids to grow up as a no limit person, rather than a successful/winning child.

I am just sharing some of the ideas and examples in this book coupled with my views on them. The book keeps us on the move while not only highlighting the dilemma faced in raising our kids, but also suggests some solutions which may be worth a try!

As we raise our kids, our learning also grows as a parent. What would be our opinion on a doctor who has just blown a cigar, advising on the addiction of nicotine? Yes, we need to live by example for our kids and for that we need clarity on what we need for our children and how do we go about it.

•    Most of the times we prefer to live our life by habit rather than our thinking capacity. Kids need independence to think and need to learn to make their own choices in life. A five year old can be relied upon to choose his own friends, take a nap or choose his meal. Smallest of things, we can try to make him explore the food we do not prefer and not just tune their tongue to ours :)

•    Another common thing that we experience in our own lives is wanting of approval from others. If I look back at my own life, most of the times I have just tried to be a good daughter, a friend, a student, a wife and whatsoever roles. Not that it is wrong, but all through the times it has been more of satisfying what others want and giving less of thought whether that is the best choice for me. The bottom line is wanting of someone’s approval all the times. One of the highlights of this book is that it emphasizes on not winning the approval of others but just go by self approval. If the child is asking you a choice of dress to impress her friends at a party. Instead of-“Your friends will like you in this hairstyle”, it can be “Do you think you look the best in this hairstyle?”. We need to make them understand they might need to face disapproval in many forms as they walk through their lives and so what is important is self approval.

•    Complaint is becoming another universal phenomenon and we just try to pass the ball whenever something does not happen the way it is supposed to. We are more into “Who is at fault”, rather than “What is the solution” pattern. It is not so surprising when the child come up with tattletales of other children’s behaviour. The best response is to give an honest response to them that we are not interested in any of their tattles and that they have to figure out the response without constant indulgence of parents.

•    The book also discusses another frequent weapon that is used-“Guilt”! “If you don’t do this, God will punish you!”. We would have used this so many times not even realizing it could have any impact.. The child is immobilized and left with no choice. The author suggests a better way to put it-“ Look into yourself if what you did is right. Guilt is used as a mechanism to manipulate others, that is making others behave the way you want, which in turn may lead to stressful relationship or circumstances.

•    Also, constant urge to win also poses stress to the kids. It will be healthier if we encourage children to self evaluate themselves whether they have given their best performance and focus on what they can improve on themselves, as each kid is unique. Such kids grow up as no limit individuals, as defined by the author.

Home is the first school and parents are the first teachers. It is important that we don’t expose them to the vagaries of anger and complaints at home and then preach them this philosophy. The author also suggests ways to tackle the everyday issues we face with our little ones.

•    When you say “I am bored”, the child says it back to you. At any point there could be atleast ten activities we could do and boredom is one of the choices we take. So when our child uses it, we can tell them the choices they have at the moment- paint, clean, play ….” or do they still make a choice of feeling bored.

•    If the child is upset on his friends making funny remarks, instead of consoling the child and feeling bad along with him, or asking him to stay away, the author puts it in a better way-“ Are you upset because you played bad or that your friends made fun of you”. If we teach the child that we don’t let external sources influence us, they become their own masters.

Getting deep into the book, might feel a little preaching, which may possibly be difficult to pursue unless we change our whole self. And that may not be such an easy task! But I definitely feel it is worth a read and would definitely widen our perspective on what we want from our children.

Call it by whatever name...

2009-11-30T09:41:00.001-08:00

Everytime I get stranded in a traffic light, the mind gets focused automatically on the street side little kids begging for money. Though one side of it gives a logical reasoning not to encourage it, as the awareness of these exploited kids is zooming in, sometimes, our emotions overcome them. How can we just shoo away a young girl begging with a small kid or a pregnant lady standing in the scorching heat bare foot? All this is just a emotional exploitation, I agree. Still most of the times it is hard to just move on. Was just thinking instead of giving them money why not help them with some handy snack you can have in the car? May be few biscuits? So that we don’t feel stone hearted at the same time not encourage the anti social elements exploit the humanity?

Smaller steps go a Long way!

2009-11-30T09:38:00.000-08:00

“Resolutions are meant to be broken”- is this not something most of us have been hearing and in course of time believing in it too. Atleast for me, it has been true. The more I try to get organized, the more I get clumsy. There are so many promises that I make to myself almost everyday, be it very trivial from getting up early in the morning to more sensitive ones!

Anything done for 21 days becomes a practice may be a well known fact but I have never been able to reach it even once. Everytime I break it, I feel bad; but that is not it! I will be more persistent. Start all over again. The cycle goes on and on, that sometimes it has been years and I still don’t stick to them. It even leads to guilt sometimes that I am not able to do, not what others want to, instead what I myself want.

Why Is that so? Is it because I don’t give them that much importance? In that case why don’t I just discard them and move on? Why do I religiously make it from the start everytime it breaks? So, these rules or promises that I make to myself mean a lot to me but then they are easily broken as no one has forced it on me. So I take them easy. The mind has been tuned all these days to be controlled by someone that when I am my own boss, it becomes even easy to break my rules.

So, I made one more rule for myself and it kind of works better. Make your promises small. Let me not say – “I will never again get angry on anything or I will never again get emotional with anyone”. Instead, let it be “ I will be as pleasant as possible today!!, I will get up early tomorrow.

In this case it is easier to get back to the routine even if you miss it. Following it for one full week and skipping it gives me a feel to ditch it completely. And as I said I so desperately want it to happen that I start it again and that becomes an indefinite loop.

One step at a time is always better than a lifetime approach. Atleast for me it works better for now and for people like me you can sure try this out…

Parents- Roll Up Your Sleeves!

2009-11-30T09:35:00.001-08:00

Just wondering if education was so complicated when I was in school. May be as kids we faced challenges but did the parents also had to face it? There was interesting incident which kindled this thought in me. Here it goes!

The project topic for UKG students was “Vehicles”. The student had to make a model of a vehicle and speak a few lines about it. For a five year old, I would expect the child to do some basic model with the help of parents and talk about it. This is what we must have done in our school days! Yes, the days are changing fast , I totally understand. But what I saw on the day of the project was just Extraordinary!!. I am failing to get the right word!

There came real 3D prototypes of ship, cycle and helicopter, all remarkable work!. The helicopter was even having a motor to operate. Atleast 2 people were needed to carry each of these prototypes inside the premises. A big applauds to the parents. But, is this a display of talent for the parent or the child. For such massive presentations, we are sure that the five year old could not have contributed anything. Professionals are hired in many cases. Is this what our education system or the schools want now? With few more pounds we can place a real cycle so that the child can talk better!!:) ..

Is it the teachers who impose such lavish and magnificent work or is it the self imposed competition within the parents? Whatever it is, we follow the ruling party and we know the plight of the minority who might want to question this :).

We strongly believe only these reputed schools give the best education to our kids. Though this is my opinion on some of the aspects which can focus on the kids rather than the parents, I think even I would soon start to learn the school’s expectations, and I am all set when I need to display my talent.

Go with the crowd- is that what I am saying???Well, may be :)

My Best Friend

2009-11-01T03:07:00.000-08:00

I talk to him , I fight with him, I cry to him, I get angry on him, I question him, I cannot hide anything from him, I go to him whenever something goes wrong, or I just feel him within when I need peace! Wondering whom I am talking about? Can I say it is a perfect description of a friend? For all those who know me well, can u guess whom i am talking about? Hmm..“It is God”.

I am not aware of all the lessons or meanings the great religious books offer (well, may be a little half baked knowledge), I don’t contemplate on the logic behind His presence, I utter slokas for which I don’t understand the meaning, yet I get peace from them. Whatever it is, I just believe in Him.

I may not win the arguments of an atheist or convince people that there is God and he rules the destiny of our lives. In fact, I just stay out of such conversations .Not that such conflicting talk is gonna drift me away from Him, it is just similar to we not encouraging any arguments on our beloved ones.

When my life becomes hurly-burly, I go to Him. I blame Him when I don’t get things I desire. I also question Him – “If you know my destiny why do you show me things which you know I cant possess? I have always been your friend and why are you doing this to me.” He may not answer me, just like we may not be able to answer all the questions of a kid at that point of time. I might get angry on Him for that, but I go back to Him for I Know he is my only caretaker and trust Him. At times, I don’t listen to Him and then go back weeping when I have to face the reality. For me, He is a 24*7 hospital and sometimes the medicine called “pain”, which is bitter, has to be endured , to feel better. He might make me feel the pain, but I believe He would let me sink when I can’t bear the pain. And yes, when at happy times I forget Him, he reminds His presence.

Not necessary he comes directly to help me, in so many instances, he comes in so many forms, sometimes even as a stranger. Don’t have words to describe Him, no enough knowledge to prove His presence, for me, it is just a feeling of a friend and a caretaker whom I rest on anytime when I am tired and share my joy. One who does not expect anything from me but just loves me. I need not have the fear of losing Him and I unquestioningly surrender myself to Him happily.

Dream On..........

2009-11-01T03:04:00.000-08:00

Dream- just the word puts my mind in a pleasant slumber. There were lots of times when I would get up in the morning with a fresh image of the dream I had the previous night. Sometimes I would continue the dream even after I wake up. A perfect way to describe day dreaming!!

Not always are they pleasant, they come in all categories – funny, scary and what not! Are they the result of my past incidents that are imprinted in the mind or daily happenings or the thoughts of future or just the impact of something I did last, like watching a movie just before I slept? I just don’t know.Sometimes I dream while half asleep as they go on very interesting and sometimes I wake up as if from a shock! Not sure if many of you experience the same or its just my jabbering mind that fails to rest even while it sleeps.

They are so realistic and in sync with my life that I sometime get confused whether it is real or was it a dream. If I try to recollect my exam days at school, with all eleventh hour preparation and burning midnight oil stuff, I used to hit the wake up alarm and continue completing my lesson while in dream. And then when I really wake up with the morning buzz, I realize -“Oh my god, I really have lot more and then hurry it up like a sprint, most of the times unfinished :) !” . Sounds funny when I think of it now!

There were also times when I would expect something from my dear ones (knowing that it would not happen !)and when I say that to them they just give a smile which has to be interepreted as –“DREAM ON….”, meaning that is never gonna happen!!

Did you read the recent headlines of a mystery man appearing in the dreams of many women- the picture of a man whom they have never met or seen in life? Thousands of people around the world claimed to have seen this face in their dreams. This makes dreams more interesting!!

So pondering more on dreams, I learnt another interesting fact. It is used to de-stress people. Wondering how? Researchers say one of the ways to destress ourselves is to spend atleast ten minutes dreaming consciously on things we like to do!! So I got an answer for all those who make fun of my day dreaming !

Now that dreaming has become a part of my chore, I think I might invest more time on taking a twist to it and see if it can make a positive or rather more meaningful impact to my life.

Few interesting reads, made me realize that consistent dreaming with intensity has made many people great achievers. It has been said that our intense desire on something, possess energy which is released every night as the mind falls asleep. When we get back to our conscious state, whatever has been imaged in our dream is reinforced in our mind.

So lets all dream and dream on!!. But then I don’t say just dreaming alone make it come true :))

Well, I should no more feel guilty dreaming I guess!! If it is light and pleasant then it is to de-stress, if it is a dream of strong desire, it may be a line to achievement!! Wow, what a perspective to think!! Well for people who dare to say “Just Dream on” to me- be watchful :))- for my dream may come true!!

I am not sure if this pondering on dreams was to justify my dreaming pleasure; but whatever said, I am happy with this analysis and wanted to share it with you!

Tiny Toddlers- Let them have their fun!

2009-10-08T10:10:00.001-07:00

Have you seen the popular TV advertisement of Reliance Big TV ? On hearing the first attempt of his little one to repeat simple words like apple, banana, the overwhelmed dad says Czechoslavakia!!! A cute one it is as an ad !

If we give it a little thought, most of us as parents do it. Our expectations on our kids soar up so high that we sometimes tend to forget to realize that we cease their freedom to even grow at their own pace.
It is three months and you want the tiny tod to roll over and lift his head, five months and he must crawl, eight months, you should see the first teeth and in one year, his first steps on!!! If something goes off the way, you panic and even if you don’t the social circle makes you to. “Oh, your son does not walk still, my neighbours’ daughter is one month younger and she is running. Why don’t you check with a doctor?” ….Well, that is it!
When the times comes for them to go to school, most of us under the name of the kids’ boredom, put them at play school even before they are two. I know it is hard for us to accept that we don’t find time to engage the kid at home and I am not an exception in that. Draped under the well fed fame, these popular schools, put up a milestone chart - social skills, gross motor skills ..what not! and poor little ones- just two years!!!!!!

If they do well, we as parent are not just satisfied. We want more from them. They say a rhyme, you try a story and it goes on and on. Of all things, whoever comes home, we take pride in making the little one recite and show up all his talent. But have we ever realized, how many times we hide our faces if asked to come on stage even for a game?

We want them so disciplined. But then tend to forget that it might curb their creativity. More learning comes through boredom and unstructured activities. Just leave them in the kitchen and see the wonder!! I know what it is to clean up the mess. But once in a while, we can trade off to see the real joy in the kid.

We blame the kid if we get the child a costly toy and he cares not about it in two days. Sometimes we even force them to play with it- might sound funny if we think of it now :). But how many of us as adults, got a tread mill and not used it after a week.

All this is not to convey that we leave our kid in its own way. Definitely, we need to groom them and teach them values, discipline and also bring out the talent hidden in them. Right from the days in womb, it is natural for us as parents to have dreams on our kids.But then lets not forget to give them their own pace and not curb them the joy of growing up by overtaxing them!

And ya,, this is just my thought and my experience and a learning as a mom. :)

Diwali shopping in T. Nagar!!

2009-10-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

The festive season is on and the first thing that hits our mind is ---Yes! You guessed it right-Shopping! For people at Chennai, the word shopping on a festive season is complimented with the word crowd or you can say mob!

And when it is T.Nagar, I am running short of words! Though a whole lot of mega malls have been spread out around the city, people flock around this place like bees over the years. Even as we wonder what is so special here, we step into the crowd 

How much ever you plan in advance, you are the most fortunate if you have escaped the mob! There were days when only the branded shops were flooded but today, people don’t leave any shop. Hundreds of multistoried shops and each one of it are flooded with customers. Be it jewelry, clothing, footwear or for that matter a chat shop in the street corner!
Knowing all this, I set out shopping for some dresses for my family on Gandhi Jayanthi! Yes on a holiday!! I would say the crowd must have crossed the numbers, awaiting lord Balaji’s darshan at tirupathi on a Saturday! Mad rush! People just push you on the move and it is not surprising if you land up at a totally different place.

Successfully, I entered a not so popular garment shop with half the spirit of shopping gone after surviving the crowd. And to my wonder, even that was over flooded. Someone stamps on your feet, or just directly pushes you or snatches the dress you were looking at…That is not so ridiculous…Yes! there is no room for politeness, courtesy or etiquette! Customer service- That’s way too far to expect. Those irritable, tired faces- I definitely don’t blame them, rather pity them. They start off patiently showing every color and design and then realize the person is window shopping! If shopping for you is exhaustive, imagine their plight servicing the whole lot of people that too for extended hours.

So, if you are expecting all this then you are at the wrong place…Be a Roman when in Rome!!Do not hesitate to push someone or even forget all your so called etiquette to survive your shopping spree. Our sole mission is to shop!

If you get what you want then I would say- Mission accomplished! You can feel the pride equalizing winning a trophy on a sports day!

But then I must mention the excitement on these shoppers in spite of all this messing up! That what keeps the place on the move!! Never tiring and exploring!! Daring I would say :) ..Whatever said, it was an exhaustive experience for me and yet my mission was accomplished!!!

Going Green- A little thought!

2009-10-08T10:05:00.001-07:00

Go Green, Protect the environment, Global Warming, save the power-we see all these words everywhere. Little do most of us have time for it.

When I heard about the principles of one of my friends on these environmental aspects, it sounded impractical or even foolish in this fast moving world in the beginning. But now I feel it is worth giving a thought.
A person high up in a leading software concern using only the public transport to commute, not only to office, but wherever he goes. In the scorching heat of Chennai, does not use an air conditioner, instead prefers planting trees in the little vacant land around his home. First one to switch off the lights or fans wherever he finds them unused, irrespective of where he finds it or who put them on. Of all things he once said in frustration about the traffic- if given a chance to be the PM for one day, he would compel people to use the public transport. Not only will this save us from pollution, but also would pave way for a hassle free traffic. Is that not a boon to Chennai?

Well, it may not be practically possible to do all this, keeping in mind our present day lifestyles. But then, we can sure do minor contribution to protect the environment which in turn is nothing but protecting ourselves and our future generations. Can’t we ensure to close the leaking taps, avoid plastics, car pool?. If we just give a thought, we can find quite many ways to protect our depleting environment by doing trivial changes in our daily activities. Little drops of water make a mighty ocean- right? So why not all of us join hands in this?

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom- Over the days!!

2009-09-25T01:22:00.000-07:00

They say the world is round and I think it is the same with one’s lives too. You come back to a point where everyone is busy for you. The irritation and frustration again pops in your head..And you start cribbing- Life is boring!...

An idle mind is the devils workshop. The mind is full fledged thinking all crisscross ways..
Can I look in for some part time job?
I don’t think my son requires me all the time…
Everyone is busy with their own work. Why don’t I engage myself in something.

Your mind hunts at various options and then you realize you don’t know anything other than the job you have been doing for seven full years…I have been so monotonously into that and the mind is so tuned to it…I started thinking- Am I addicted to the pressure? I felt all I needed is a break and not a fullstop to work…But then I jump back to the practicality, thinking of all problems at home when I lacked spending time…

Is life not funny? Now I have all the time and I don’t know what to do? There were days when I used to think if I had time I would do this, that etc…and now you know what, I am bored!!! Even to the extent of pampering myself with a pedicure or grooming myself…I start feeling,,,where am I going, why do I have to do this? And spend that time not doing anything…Then I try to call and catch up with some dear friends who have been complaining of me not being in touch all these days, and now it is their turn J They are busy with their work. Just exchange a formal hello and cut the line.. The mind wanders again-“ when they can manage, why not I? Did I Take a hasty decision?”. Oh my god…wont the mind stop coming to the same point! Well, I know it is going to take time for me to sink in with the present pragmatic life. I shout my moods at all those at home and I am afraid that does not sink down to my little one. The mind is back getting up with the same frustration “Yet another day!”…

Well, I realize I can’t start every day like this. Yes, I comfort myself yet again to take things easy , engage myself and make use of the time I have been longing for all these years and well, that has what has triggered me in writing this too. Every other week I find new ways to engage myself and that keep things moving in a more pleasant way as we know life just cant keep going with cribbing J. And I must also say this, every other day something or the other that my little darling does ,just wipes away all the gloomy thoughts!

When no one else takes me so seriously, then why should I take things to my head? And now I am again finding ways to occupy myself and spend some times just for me J. May be it is all passing clouds to settle down as a perfect mom and a home maker!!! Lets see how life takes its way..

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom- Initial Days

2009-09-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

You get up lazily, happy to see that there are no alarm bells. I wake my child with all my love and there he sees his mom –don’t know after how long- as he gets up with lot more laziness than me J. Both of us after lot of pamper and chit chats get ready to school. When I left him to the school for the first time and reached home, it was a great feeling. Was thinking to myself- How much have is missed all these days without a pinch of regret for leaving my career.

I would stress the fact that my son was not getting the confidence that I would be with him all time. Though he enjoyed the time with me, there was a feeling of insecurity in the mind of such a little child and he was clinging more to his dad and grandma. It took some time for him to settle down with me. It was a miserable feeling when your kid asks- Amma, will you leave me and go to office again”. I trashed all my inside regret of leaving my career and there comes the reassurance again..

Days flied with this routine. My son with all smiles and confidence clinging to me for everything. Me enjoying the longer sleep, little bit cooking, reading, and exploring all that I liked . Having plans on how to keep myself engaged as well as happy !

Career Mom Turns Full Time Mom!!

2009-09-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

Here comes another day where I again snap the alarm and get back to a nap for five more minutes which for sure ends to atleast twenty minutes. After snoozing it for three times i get up in a hurry, with hundreds of thoughts running in mind , and like a robot I am again ready to office. Kissing my son who is blissfully sleeping, I step out of the house thinking do I have to go?? And yes,,,this thought has become a part of my daily routine…

The moment you enter office all this vanishes and the mind is busy on all the agendas of the day..The daily meetings to which you rush many times skipping your breakfast,,,and that’s it …i forget everything else .. sometimes i get a call from my two year old and I start hating myself for not having time to hear the lil one..Now the mind is no where, neither on the meeting nor on my little darling! You nod your head to both not knowing for what though..You can imagine the consequence J .

There comes the thought again…..do I need to do this? And I decide for the hundredth time I am quitting this job and have a happy time with my loved ones at home…

You get a call from your manager asking for updates , reports , milestones and all blah blahs and the mind again gets engrossed with work . With nothing in place , I curse everyone on earth and do things in such a hurry to catch the earliest bus home..and finally check the mobile for the missed calls from home…

On the way back the same thought trigger in different forms I would say,,,”no one is happy with me nor am i..y not take a break…”. Litlle bit of diversion comes in when you have small chit chats with your friends on the way back and well if anyone is in foul mood, which is very much possible, you get it on you . That’s the easiest thing you catch up to add on to your fully packed mind of confusion !!

The mind is tired now and there is frustration that you take back home..T he door opens with a disappointed kid and a relieved grandma waiting to have some rest. I take almost an hour to make him happy and when he is all pepped up I am tired …just gobble something and go to bed…just giving a blank nod to whatever people at home say….and sleep like a log…..

The routine continues and then came the final day when I took the decision. The mind is crystal clear and decisive inspite of listening to all advices and viewpoints. I am happy with this decision, I reassured myself and walked straight to putforth my resignation!!!
And you know what? Yes…you guessed it right…The mind again toggles with all the appreciation and promises that you are given and the assurance of a great career…The temptation pricks your mind…You go back home asking everybody at home hundred times if they are happy and is this right ? Wishing deep inside , you get the answer you want!!!

And you know what is the answer? “If you are so tempted, see if you can continue for some more time..All this is just for a while..When the kid grows you may be able to manage….and then the other side of the opinion pops out…see, your health is also important…think and decide…don’t repent later…”

Every working mom can understand how it feels with this answer….The ball is thrown back to your court!!! No one is supportive enough to you as they are more smart of the consequences and finally you say to yourself –Yes, I am not looking back.. The smile of my lil one is my happiness..I am just going to sit back and enjoy every moment and give back leisure and happiness to everyone at my sweet home…

The one month of notice period flies away and the farewell day comes where u bid good bye to you r work, not knowing if you are going to come back…and yes,,you keep reassuring to yourself and everybody this is your happiest day….

Back to Office!

2009-09-25T01:11:00.000-07:00

The day my little darling entered this world is still vivid in my mind. Lot of fear and excitement- a mixed feeling. Then passed five months at home just with my little darling, lot of dreams filling my thoughts on how to bring him up. Ofcourse, there were times when there were continous sleepless nights and tough challenging times too. Every little movement of him was an excitement. Camera and camcorder behind the pillows so that I don’t miss anything!!!

Yes, the time has now come to return to work after utilizing all possible leave extensions.. The first day I ever parted for more than an hour from my little darling. With a troubled state of mind I leave him to my mom and finally left to office. He is too young to even understand that I will be back in the evening and fondle him. What would go through the little mind? Would he think his mom his lost or that she does not care about him?

All the thoughts were just flashing my mind as I was on the way to office. The moment I entered in, it was all so new. The place I used to spend more than ten hours a day for years was like an alien world. Then came the welcoming and along with it every other person I see on the way no matter whether I know them or not was the sentence-“You must be feeling really bad leaving your little one at home”! When they know the pain God! Why do they ask it ?

Finally, settling at my work place and you know I was looking at the monitor and keyboard as if seeing for the first time J . Five months at home just engrossed with the little one -be it a nappy change, feeding, cleaning or playing- completely abandoned from the outside world to some extent. In few hours I was getting used to this routine and then it was time to go back home. First time in my career, have I rushed so soon! Ofcourse, then on this is my way!!

On the way back home, I was thinking a little too much in the fifteen minutes drive that I had in order to reach home. Will he be excited to see me? Or will he think I left him alone? Will he be angry? Will he start hating me!! Then I said to myself- Relax- he is a baby J

I rushed upstairs hurriedly washing my hands to hold the little one. There he was- happily cuddled in the hands of his grand parents and laughing to glory. When I tried to hold him, he just looked away as if looking at someone for the first time! May be he thought I will leave again or was it his naughty way of showing his disappointment? We then struggled in our own way for a patch up. And how he is in my lap playing heartily.I fed him and put him to sleep, looking at the little angel and wondering how he would feel the next day. I can’t even tell him that I will go to office tomorrow and rush back to see him in the evening.
To our surprise, kids do adjust themselves better than we adults do. In few weeks he started saying bye bye to his mom. They are more accepting! It was me with a flip flop mind sandwiched with guilt, confusion and what not. After three years of this unstable mind, now I am with him all time. And when I say someone even on the phone- That I am feeling lonely at times being at home, he runs to me and says spontaneously- Amma, you are not lonely, am I not with you”! -what else do you need!!!

Traffic Jam

2009-09-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

If you wake me from a deep sleep and ask me- “Tell me one thing you hate the most?”. My spontaneous answer would be- Traffic Jam!!! I never want to use the word ‘Hate” in my life but this one I am just not able to stand!!!

Many a times you get stranded on the streets waiting, sometimes even hours, due to traffic jam. Some of us getting late to office, school or even missing a flight. I assume whatever be the situation; it just makes you lose your patience.

Yesterday I was struck in a traffic jam for say thirty minutes. Well protected from the sun in an air conditioned car and with some nice songs on, but I was not able to relax. In fact, I was not in a hurry too. If there is an unavoidable reason for the traffic, well still I would not prefer it- for that matter no one does- I can atleast try put up with it.

Most of the times it is due to some political party working on a banner right in the middle of a road or some so called VIP’s entry or even worse is digging a main road, which seemed to be pretty normal last evening you passed by! Even worse is working on the school zone road during peak hours! If it is none of these, then it is some insane person parking in a wrong place creating a nuisance to everyone.

I am sure this gets on to the nerves for most of us. So atleast lets do whatever possible from our side to prevent or reduce these jams and make life a little better for ourselves and others!!

For things out of my control, let me attempt to take the positive side-Atleast I am not struck in the traffic with the sun directly striking on my head, adding to the fumes inside me !! And of all things I just need to get used to it or opt the choice of being locked indoors !! Well, in that case, the former is better.

Kids are Amazing

2009-09-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Kids are amazing. They make you think you out f the box? I know no one is gonna debate on this. Just wanted to share some little things about my little three year old, that stunned me.

Once I used the mosquito spray on one of the rooms and told him-listen, you should not go there as I have used the spray in that room. All parents can guess the popping questions. After his usual queries, what is that used for? Where will the mosquitoes go? etc., his sincere complaint was -"Why dint the mosquitoes tell him bye bye before it left his room?":)

One of the other instances that amazed me on the ways kids imagine was this. I took him to a toy shop and he was busy picking up his favourites. On the way back home, I asked him what will you get me when you grow up? Quite unexpected came the spontaneous response- I will get you a cradle. I asked- "What? What will I do with a cradle? I will be a old lady then". You know what his reply was- “When I grow up, you will become small. I will take care of you the way you took care of me when I was a baby!! “
Silly it might be when you apply logic to it, but then astonishing it is if we look at the way their little mind imagines!!

Not only are they creative, they are smart too! So we need to be super active and smart to handle themJ

Thinking I am dealing things in a very good way, once I told him – My dear, see I listen to whatever you say. So you should also listen when mom or dad says something to you. He immediately nodded and I kissed him saying Good boy! The next second, he said- Mom, you tell me what I like to do and I will definitely listen you!!! With the cutest smile and what else can you do other than smiling!!!

I think it is these little things that is adding spice to our life and also inspires to get us out of our tuned mind. After all, we need to tackle the curiosity and queries of these blooming buds in a way that really satisfies them!!!

Take it Easy!

2009-09-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

Were there not times when we wonder we have become complaining and the innocent happy smile replaced with a grim frown most of the days It is not surprising that we would not even have noticed it.

One day you stand in front of the mirror looking at the emerging white hair and start thinking how to get rid of it? Instead, if you put on a pleasing smile on your face, I bet no one would even notice the grey hair. You start worrying more about the future and forget to live the present..

If you look at a three year old, a mere straw or even a pencil is fascinating. And when we were in teens, little bit of window shopping or a movie with friends would make your day. A greeting card you get from a friend that you treasure so much or saving your pocket money to treat your friends- whatever it is- Every single moment was joyous and we did not make any attempt for it.

Today you have everything. You have a great job, latest car and all things you dreamed of. But still we are not content. You go to a movie with same dear friends but do you feel the same way? You shop without looking at the price tag and for every other occasion you have a treat either at office or with family! This was the life we wanted. Then what is the complaint about?

Have you noticed that it was never difficult to get ready with full spirits for a picnic that you longed for, at 4 am in the morning, while you curse to get up even at 6 am for your work? Was staying awake the whole night when your little one was not well ever a big deal? Was waiting the whole night for a call when your dear ones are away on a travel was strenuous? Lets look at the other side. If your boss asks you to work overnight, you fight for a comp off and when your office bus comes half an hour early to avoid the traffic, you curse everyone and sometimes even make a big deal out of it!!

So it is just the mind set that decides everything. Complaining and cribbing is not going to take us anywhere. If we spend few minutes thanking on all that we have and have dreamt of, we would not complain on few things that we may have missed in life!

And most of all, nothing is going to change the life we are destined to live. So why not make the best out it and live the present moment the best way we can. If we bring the childishness that is deep rooted within us, life is not going to be as stressful or complicated as it seems to be!

Do I know My Own Mind?

2009-09-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

My mind- what is that really? I think of controlling it so many times and it never listens. It goes in its own way. Exactly doing things what I don’t want to. Thoughts just sail through it and most of the times I lose track of it.

I sit back trying hard to analyse it. All these years it has been with me and I don’t even know my own mind!! Sometimes jubilant with energy, suddenly moody, and in a minute it goes emotional. Crazy I would say if someone else does that? But then it is my own mind!! Am I crazy then? Perhaps!!!

One minute I think-Why should I take things so seriously and the very next moment I think-What Is life without emotions? Are we animals?...I am so unstable and is it fair when I expect someone else to understand me? Blame them if they get me wrong??A sensible mind would say –That is absolutely unfair!!! Well, as I said-Mine is not a stable one !!

You read it everywhere these days to live the moment, to relax, take things easy and many in line. You reinforce to yourself everytime and I tell you these just tempt you to do the reverse, though unwillingly!!

I often think why expect so much, though you would expect only from your dear ones who make up your life. I am not even satisfying my own expectations!! Why not let your dear ones free of questions, complaints and expectations? Accept them and give them the space. Joy is in giving and not in receiving.

Why do my happiness have to depend on others and why cant we be our own best friend. People, situation and everything else change with time. That is the law of nature. We all know. It is only our own mind, learnings that we had from our lives that remain with us. Is it not sane enough to realize that and find the true everlasting companion within ourself?

Even as I write this, the mind flickers on the various experiences and instances that it has gone through. So is it a fact that it does not want accept the truth? Well, then I am not forcing it!! Let me atleast accept that I cant change the way my mind wavers, its expectations , emotions, silly thoughts etc.and not sit down analyzing it!!!